To move past the pain
by Princessofsolitude
Summary: Mikasa has always loved Eren,but finds out that he only thinks of her as a sister. Distraught she runs into a dense wooded area only to encounter captain levi, his words and actions that night are only the beginning of something she never could have imagined. Warning contains muture language and future lemon. Revimikalevixmikasa
1. chapter 1

This is my first fan fiction. Please feel free to give me advice. Feedback is always welcome. Also I would like to mention that in this aot scenario mikasa's age is more 16 going on 17, height 5'5 and Levi's age is 25 and 5'7 height .

I couldn't sleep; it was late. I had training and classes to go to tomorrow starting at 5 a.m. I know I should be asleep, but I couldn't stop the pain and grief radiating through my whole body as each word Eren had said earlier in the day played back in my head.

Nothing good ever come through eavesdropping. Whoever had said that couldn't be more right. Because now as I lay in my small, stifling room, mocked by the ticking of a clock counting down to a day I didn't want to face, I wished desperately I could go back.

Ugh! I hate this; I groan to myself as I flip onto my back, starting at the wood ceiling in the dark. A warm breeze blows in my window rustling my curtains, permitting the full moon's shining light to lie on my half naked body. The cool breeze is a welcome relief from the day's smothering heat. It relaxes me. I start to replay the events of the day in my mind.

It was late evening before the sun had begun to set. You could still feel the humidity that hung in the air. Nothing was unusual about the day; it was like any other before. Another scorcher, the sun beating down on all us scouts as we trained and prepared for upcoming missions. Everything was going well. I had been on my way to the dining hall, tired and daydreaming of the warm dinner I was soon to enjoy when all of a sudden I heard a shrill female voice calling my name. It was Hanji Zoe. She was nearly sprinting towards me. Anyone could see the excitement radiating off her. That woman was a certified loon!

"Mikasa! Mikasa!" she called as she neared me. I stood impatiently waiting for her; my stomach growled in annoyance that she was keeping me from the food I had spent all afternoon dreaming about. Today was steak and potatoes, my favorite. I could almost taste it as the smell from the dining area carried on through the breeze.

She reached me out of breath and winded. She began to explain that she had discovered something amazing about our newest captured Titans. A five meter tall female Titan and a male Titan also the same height that she has decided to name Sonny and Bean. She wouldn't tell me what she had found out; apparently it was top secret. My eyes rolled at that. She only asked if I could please run to commander Erwin to tell him that she needed to see him right away. Irritated, I tried to brush off her request.

She was relentless, though. She looked at me with her brown eyes all buggy behind her square framed glasses and pleaded with me again.

"Mikasa?! I am a very busy woman, and I need the commander to see me right away. It is important."

How is it my responsibility though? I pondered. I was getting tired of arguing a losing battle so finally, with a huff of annoyance, I agreed so she would leave me, steak and potatoes wait for me, I implored, casting a longing glance at my previous destination.

I began my journey to the commander's office in the complete opposite direction from where I was heading in the first place, begrudgingly, I might add.

I was on my way to relay the message I had been requested to by the exhausting Hanji. The last of the sun's rays beat down on me, making me grumble and complain about this unbearable heat for what seemed the hundredth fucking time that day. That is when I found myself passing Eren and Armin's cabin. I could hear their familiar voices talking and their laughter as I walked passed their window. Looking back I would never have stopped if not for hearing Armin tease Eren about his recent rescue from trouble by me a couple of days past during a dry run to test our combat skills. That is what stopped me in my tracks, tempting me to hear more.

I snuck closer to hear their conversation. Ducked down now under their window like some freak in the bushes because I just needed to hear Eren's response, I leaned in and listened closely. I heard Eren sigh in frustration, "I had it! She didn't need to save me. I don't know why she always thinks she has to. I am not a child!"

I shake my head at this. I know he is not a child. I just can't bear the thought of him getting hurt or worse...

"I know why" Armin chimed in. "It's because she likes you," he says teasingly.

I flinch at his words. Is it that obvious? Something inside me urges me to leave but my curiosity to hear Eren's reply gets the best of me.

"Armin, it's not like that," Eren replies, seriousness in his voice. Dread builds in my chest as my body waits to hear more of what he has to say. But in truth did I even want to hear this, though? And in hindsight, I should have left but just as they say, but I had never under stood till then"curiosity killed the cat."

"She is like my sister," Eren continued. "I could never think of her that way. It would be too weird." I could hear Eren's voice as continued with his reasons, but his words were fading, muffled out by a dull ache radiating In my chest. My head started spinning, as tears stung my eyes hearing him say the words I had always dreaded. That he though of me as a sister, even though we were not related.

I need to get away from here. I should have never heard this. I hurried away, trying my best to make as little noise as I possibly can as I maneuver myself through a maze of bushes. My chest felt constricted , and like I can't breathe.

I had loved Eren for so long. I always have, ever since the day he rescued me from the three men who murdered my family when I was ten. I had naively hoped he would love me in return. God! I was so stupid. Of course, he would think of me as a sister. We had lived together ever since that horrid day. his family taking me in as their own. We had been raised up together as brother and sister. How could I have hoped for anything else? How can I be around him now that I know? Can I act as if I never heard him? To make things worse if Armin, our childhood friend could so easily see my feelings for Eren, who else had noticed? Apparently I had not hidden my feelings as well as I had thought. I kept walking, my emotions consuming, mind blanketed in a thick fog of questions of what the future would be like now. Can I push my feeling away? Can I move on and forget this? How will I move past this pain?

This overwhelming sense of hollowness in my chest starts to build. I wonder on like this, question after question clouding my head making me forget my original task altogether. I keep walking, yearning to put so much distance between myself and the world. I scan my surroundings, my eyes falling upon an inviting dark grouping of trees, a forest on the far side of the campus by the barracks. Its quiet solitude beckons me. I accept its invitation. What seems like an eternity later I finally arrive at my destination.

The darkness of the night began to fall all over the trees and all around me. The night's stars slowly appeared, twinkling in the sky one by one. I make my way to a fallen birch tree. My legs are weak and weary, and they give out, and I give in to the tears I had fought to hold back. I let the pain and emotion take hold of my body. I cried. Tears flowed endlessly down my face. Alone and vulnerable, I sit under the night's vast sky surrounded by a tall army of trees shielding me from the outside world. A patch of soft grass lay beneath me.

I run my fingers through the grass, gripping the green blades in my shaking hands. I let out a frustrated cry. I knelt over and beat the ground. I'm so stupid! So stupid! Why would it be any different? I berate myself.

I was so caught up with my poor me pity party that I had failed to notice or check my surroundings to see if anyone was there before I decided to make such a scene. The presence of someone watching from the dark of the trees comes to me too late. I don't realize I am not alone until I felt callused warm hand touch my shoulder, shocking me. Embarrassed, I closed my eyes tight. How can this get worse? How I wished I could disappear.

I slowly turned to see who it is who had witnessed this embarrassing cry fest. And to my surprise, it was Captain Levi. He is staring at me. Eyes cold, full of what I assume is confusion and distaste, to have found his best student alone and crying like a blubbering baby, in the woods of all places.

"Why are you crying, Ackerman?" concern and annoyance heavily lined his words.

This is just what I needed; I think to myself sarcastically. To have Captain Levi of all people to find me this way, a sniveling mess.

"Sir, I am sorry. It's nothing." I said as I wiped my eyes and nose, trying to compose myself. How embarrassing! I inwardly beat myself for not checking my surroundings before breaking down like that. I need to get out of here. I'll just stand up and smile, joking this away. Maybe I'll just blame it on stress...

"I will get back to my duties, sir," I said as I brushed his hand away from my shoulder and straightened up to stand, brushing the dirt and grass from my knees. Taking a deep breath, I turned to leave when his deep voice stopped me in my tracks.

"I asked you a question, Ackerman. Answer me."

Leave me alone! I silently plead. "Sir, it is nothing. Just stress, Captain," I lie.

"If it was nothing I wouldn't find you here crying like a pitiful baby. Now tell me. That is an order!"

What the fuck did he just say? I turned my eyes, narrowed at him with hatred pulsing through my body. How dare he talk to me that way? He was my superior, yes. But to demand that I answer a question I clearly wanted to avoid. Could he even do that?

"Sir..." I began trying to control the anger in my voice, but he cut me off.

"It's the Yeager boy, isn't it?"

His reply shocked me. How did he know? The answer is clear, though; everyone must know. I had succeeded in hiding nothing. I let my shoulders fall a little then. My gaze fell on the ground, hiding my swelling tears. "Sir..." I began again but my words failed me.

He moved closer, reaching for me. I didn't even try to move, eyes locked on the ground. I soon felt his hand on my shoulder again. I could feel his presence so close. I almost wanted to throw myself in his arms. I wanted some comfort so bad; I wanted to cry. I was feeling so hurt. But was I hurt enough to want comfort from this man in front of me? A man I hardly knew, my superior officer, Levi a man of such talent, authority, and power. Would he even care, I questioned myself. Would he ever try to console me?

"You are a fool!"

I jerked my head up, shocked. What did he say? I stared at him, confused as if I hadn't heard him right. His eyes cold and hard, he smirked.

"Why do you waste your time on love?" Levi asked me. "You are so young. You have so much promise. Do not waste it on Yeager. If you do,that will leave you being nothing but a stupid girl."

STUPID GIRL! That motherfucker! He had no right to talk to me like that. He knew nothing!

With my fists clenched to my side, I shrugged out of his grasp. With anger, I had never felt before I pulled my arm back and swung my fist at him before I had could think better of my actions. I will show him, was all I could think.

He was fast though and next thing I knew I felt him behind me. His arm was around my throat applying enough pressure not to choke me but to keep me in my place. His mouth was at my ear. He growled in his harsh voice, "Do not do that again! Do you understand me?"

I could feel his warm breath on my neck; it sent shivers down my body.

"I can teach you things, Mikasa," he continues. "I can take your pain away. You don't need love, you unruly brat,you need discipline."

I tensed as I felt his other arm wrap around my waist, pulling my body closer to him. His body felt so warm and firm, pressing against mine. What is he doing?

Confused, I wanted to fight him, but something inside me was curious as to what he meant. Could he take my pain away? How? What did he mean, discipline? His breath was at my ear, and I felt a sudden warmth spread through my stomach as he nipped my ear with his teeth. I tried then to pull free. But he was stronger, overpowering me and holding me closer. His breath was hot as he began to breathe soft kisses down my neck. Slow, torturous kisses. He lets his wet tongue glide down upon my salty skin. He then released a heavy sigh and a groan. I let my eyes close, and I shuddered as I felt him harden against me, his body a mass of lean muscle. I can smell him. He filled my senses. It feels wrong, forbidden even. But something inside me that I never knew was there had sparked. His kisses made me squirm. It tickled when he nibbled my neck. The warmth spreading through my body begins to lower down to my sex.

I had never been held this way. I had never been kissed there. My breath shallow. My heart was racing inside my chest. I felt like I was on fire. His arm around my neck slacked as he began to trail his fingertips down across my collar bone. He then continued to let them dip lower to caress my sensitive breasts. I watched him, dazed. I didn't know if I was ready for this.

It is when his hand begins to disappear into my shirt that I realize without a doubt; I am not ready. "No!" I said in a shaky voice I could not at the time recognize as my own. This was wrong. My eyes shot wide open as the realization hit. This had to stop.

"Let me go!" I pleaded

I began wiggling free from his grasp. My breathing was heavy. I straightened up and squared my shoulders to face him.

"Sir, why are you doing this?" I asked.

Shrugging and acting as if nothing has just happened, he grinned, shifting to leave. He gave me one last look, certain darkness in his eyes.He replied nonchalantly.

"Because I can."

And with that, he left me alone with all my turmoil, my pain, my questions. I was confused, wanting more and hating him at the same time. I gathered what little strength I had left and made my way through the now pitch black woods. I felt grateful to the full moon's light guiding my way back to a pebbled path that would lead me toward my cabin. The same pebbled path would lead me back to the warm, safe reprieve that was my room. As I drew nearer to my cabin, I was relieved that no one stopped me along my way to talk or to inquire about why I hadn't been at dinner.

Out of that whole miserable day, at least, there was that one bit of relief. I now lay here, in my soft bed, restlessly tossing and turning, thinking about Eren and my unrequited feelings toward him. Thinking about Levi and the things he made me feel and what he said. I recall the things he had done. Appalled and curious at the same time, my body craving more. I want to find out what he meant.

I reach up and touch my neck, wanting to feel his hot kisses there again. I begin to wonder what his lips would feel like on mine.

Shaking my head, I Wait! No, don't think of that, ugh! What is happening to me? Not even six hours ago, I was torn up about Eren, and now here I am thinking about what my Captain's lips would feel like on my own? God! I am so confused.

I turn and bury my head in my pillow, exhausted. I try one last time to push these thoughts out my head and sleep.

Just breathe in and out, clear my mind, keep breathing, Mikasa. You can do this; I coax myself. And after what seems like an eternity, sleep finally finds me and covers me in her sweet embrace where I am at peace at least for a few hours.


	2. Chapter 2

I sincerely apologize for any typos. My iPhone likes to try and auto correct while I'm typing because it THINKS it's helping ! FYI iPhone your not helping. lol.

Ps.feel free to give me any advice. Comments are welcome And appreciated

My alarm sounds. The noise is a annoying beeping that seems to Blair on continuously. It is this hideous beeping noise that has roused me from my short-lived sleep. Refusing to open my eyes, I Raise my right arm toward the sound and try almost unsuccessfully for a minute to smack the snooze button. At last, my fingers find my intended target and the noise ceases.

I squint my eyes to look at the time. The clock reads that it's 4:30 am. The early morning glow hints blue outside my window. Morning has come too soon. I groan, rubbing my tired eyes and stretch out on my bed. I run through the events of yesterday. I had hoped that it was just a dream. But I am sure this nagging feeling I have in my chest says it's not. Bringing myself to sit upright, I clench my cool blue sheet in my hand almost refusing to drag away this cotton Material I have draped over my body. As if doing this will cement that I am truly awake. But I do and after placing one leg, then the other over the side of the bed, my feet touch the cold hard floor. Still half asleep, I stumble my way to my bathroom stopping in front of my sink. Reaching my hand out, I turn the hot water on, letting it run as I look at my reflection in the mirror. My shoulder length jet black hair is tousled and knotted. Porcelain skin blotchy from tears and my Smokey gray eyes are red and puffy. I sigh in frustration at the sight. I'm a mess, and that is an understatement.

"Fuck Eren and fuck Levi."I grumble to my self. they are both assholes.

Well, maybe not Eren. But Levi for sure. Eren has done nothing purposely wrong. He cannot help what he feels, but Captain Levi, he is a different story altogether.

He has purposely brought forth these feelings that are so alien to me.

Cupping my hands together under the hot water, I gathering the warm liquid in my palms and raise it to my face as I begin to try to wash away the telltale signs of my miserable night. When I have scrubbed my face and brushed the relentless knots out of my hair. I take one more final look at myself.

That should do it for now. I just look tired now a little pale, but I can deal with that. Nothing a little pinching of my cheeks for color and a well-practiced smile couldn't fix.

The hollow feeling is felt in my chest still, but I can push that feeling down for now.

I think to myself; Eren must not know I have heard him and even if he does find out. He must not know it has hurt me this much. It will all come to pass in due time and I'll become the best sister. He may never love me in the way I want, but at least, I have that love.

And Levi. Ugh, god Levi. Well, he must not know that he has affected me in such a way. In truth, it is most unnerving at how much he has affected me. In that one chance meeting last night, he had gone from being my well-respected captain to an arrogant ass who has given me a taste of something I don't understand but craved more of.

In my closet, I gather my uniform. Taking my time putting it on, drawing out every second I can before I leave the confines of my sanctuary. When I have finished getting dressed, I wrap my Crimson red scarf around my neck. It's my finishing touch. This frail piece of woven cloth has always been a sort of security blanket bringing me comfort and a sense of safety since the day I had received from Eren. That day my parents died, the day I first met Eren. He had saved me from three low lives', who had murdered my parents and planned to sell me off to the highest bidder on the black market. Eren, age nine at the time. Had found where we were in an abandoned cabin not far from my parent's home. Feigning distress and saying that he was lost, Eren got them to drop their guard. The first man reached to pat Eren's head, and Eren, seeing his opportunity, took that moment to slit the man's throat with a knife he had concealed behind his back. Ducking back into the previous room, the second man followed him only to be impaled by a makeshift spear that Eren had fashion ahead of time, jumping on the man he continued Stabbing him viciously to death. As Eren untied me, he was caught off guard by the third kidnapper, who then began to strangle Eren as I stared on in horror frozen. Eren yelled at me to kill the man with a knife that had been knocked out of Eren's hand earlier in the struggle. Seeing that Eren was about to pass out, I snapped and stabbed the man straight through the heart killing him instantly. Afterward, as I stood with Eren and his father, Dr. Grisha Yeager, I was wondering what would happen to me. I was cold and shivering that is when Eren took his scarf and placed the warm material around my neck, his scent heavily laden in the woven Fabric it warmed me... That was the day my feeling developed the day he saved me. How had it turned out this way ?

I shake my head; this is no time to reminisce. The clock reads 4:50. It's getting late I need to go.

Just make it through this day and we are one step closer to putting this behind us. One more look around my room and I turn the brass handle of my door, pulling it open in one swift motion. My body is greeted by the unwelcome air of a day that is already warming up fast. Great, I bet it will be in the 90-degree range again today.

I decide quickly that I'm not hungry, and I don't want to deal with anyone this early in the day. So instead of heading to the dining hall. I wonder to a quiet corner of the training grounds. Choosing to settle down on a wood bench. Silently watching as the beautiful pale blue sky slowly grows brighter and the brilliant yellow- orange sun begins to rise. Birds are chirping and taking their morning flight. Soon this field will be covered in cadets all of us waiting for instruction on what to do today. A few people are already here, spread farther out waiting for the morning shift instructor to arrive. I figure I have another five minutes before more people arrive and I will have to stand in my assign spot between Sasha and Eren

Armin appears in the distance; his unmistakable blonde hair shimmers in the sun. Spotting me, he smiles and waves before heading toward me.This was it; It was show time. Now was the Time to test out that smile I had practiced in the mirror.

"Hey, Mikasa, where in the world have you been? I didn't see you yesterday at dinner? You missed it Sasha nearly got into a fistfight with Jean over his extra potatoes. It was priceless leave it to Sasha to get that mad over potatoes. "Armin laughs, taking a seat next to me, his blue eyes sparkle with amusement.

I stifle a giggle," God that must have been something to see. Honestly, Armin, I swear if it weren't for the lack of food Sasha would be a food hoarder. Wish I was there to see it, but I wasn't feeling well called it a night early. I think this heat is messing with me."

I'm sorry. " He says apologetically." I feel you there this heat has been a real bitch lately."

"Did I miss anything else?"I ask trying to keep the conversation as normal as possible, not wanting to let on how miserable I feel inside.

Armin looks at his feet as he pushes a rock around with the toe of his shoe sighing before he answers.

"Jean and Eren got into another fight," Armin says in disappointment.

A frown forms on my face at the news of this. those two are always fighting, and I can never seem to understand why.I'm going to have to talk to Eren about this. He can't just be going around picking fights, what if he were to turn accidently into his Titan form, he can't risk it

"What was it about this time,"I ask in annoyance.

"who know Mikasa? Eren and Jean fight about almost anything, you know that."

"Yeah I know Armin, it is just sometimes all their fighting is just so frustrating."

It's always been this way. Since the first day Eren and Jean had met they have always hated each other. Jean, a tall brown hair boy from the city of Trost, Who use to have very outspoken aspirations to finish in the top ten for he can join the military police and live comfortable and safe inside the inner walls. We all knew the military police were slackers and corrupt; they rarely did their jobs at even fifty percent effort. When Jean first met Eren he had overheard Eren saying that he wanted to join the survey corps and slay all the Titans, he had called Eren crazy convinced that Eren had a death wish and that he was just a loud mouth show off. If it wasn't for the bell signaling the end of dinner that day they would have for sure gotten into a fist fight, but regardless fight or no fight.From that day forth they have always argued and fought at almost every chance they had over the past couple years.Even now though Jean instead joined the survey corps after the battle of Trost.They still couldn't get along.

"Mikasa?"

"Yes Armin," I say turning my attention to the blonde hair boy next to me.

"please do not tell Eren I told you about their fight," his crystal blue eyes plead with me.

Why wouldn't he want me to tell Eren?I open my mouth to ask him but Armin being smart as usual beats me to the punch.

"Eren has been very stressed out lately, and I know you mean well but he doesn't need to be yelled at right now Mikasa, please don't get mad at me I know you do it because you care, but I've already talked to him, trust me, he understands."

Everything inside me wants to argue and say no, but I know he is right. I will push these feelings of anger down along with the sadness I have been feeling.really what can it hurt,compared to Eren's problems mine were a mere speck of dust.

"okay Armin,I won't say anything, but just this once "I relent.

A relieved smile radiates across Armin's face.

"Thank you, Mikasa."

Armin stands up abruptly Waving his hands above his head; my eyes scan the area that Armin's attention has been called to.

He is trying to catch Eren's attention, from across the field between us.

" HEY! Eren over here."

Eren turns from the direction he was heading and towards us, his teal green eyes glinting in the sun, he is looking for the voice that has called him; an easy smile spreads across his face as he spots us. My heart melts and grieves in the same instance. He's truly magnificent. Lean, tall, handsome. Dark Brown hair tossed by the slight breeze. I sigh. How is it this boy can unknowingly do this to me?

"Hey, guys, "Eren begins to say as he reaches us."I saw Captain Levi on his way here. We should get into our positions. You know to make a good impression.

" Good idea Eren. "Armin agrees , as he gets to his feet.

"Come on, Mikasa, let's go."

Sure. I think to myself .Why not? We cannot have the "Captain" not liking us now, can we?

As I follow them and fall into my assigned spot. I try to stay as calm as possible while in my mind, I am freaking out. Why would Captain Levi be here today,he never takes the morning shift?

When Levi comes into view. I find myself noticing things about him I had never given thought to before; his walk is full of purpose and power. His usual unreadable and intimidating eyes are a unique shade of blue and gray? No maybe black.I wish I could see them better, a few strands of his dark hair dip in front of his face. Levi's Body is lean but hardened with muscles in perfect proportion. He is spotless not a hair out of place. What a clean freak! Almost a polar opposite to Eren. While Eren had his talents and or course, his titan form. He is also sometimes hard to control. Always flying off in anger at people who disagree with him. Levi, on the other hand, possesses a supernatural deadly grace and skill that rivals no other. Always in complete control of his body and his emotions. I am suddenly aware that I feel his eyes on me; causing warmth to rise in my body. But I refuse to let him affect me, though, so, I put on a face as if my body is not reacting to his scrutinizing stare. I act like nothing is wrong, and nothing had happened just as he did the last night before when he left me in the woods! And Alone! I might add.

"Scouts I am told that you will be performing hand to hand combat skills today. I know that many you are thinking why? That this can in no way help us in our fights against the Titan beings, and that in some ways is true, but it will help you against the humans that will intend to do us harm in many situations. You never know who or what your enemy may be, and thus, you should always be prepared and knowledgeable in all forms of combat and fighting techniques. With that being said. I will assign each one of you a partner to spar with."

He starts to call out names and pairs of us start to get into fighting stance. This I do not mind, I know I am a skilled fighter, I have found training in this way soothing.

As the peoples' names start to dwindle away. I am quick to realize that he intends to pair with none other than Eren. I roll my eyes because I have a strong nagging feeling This was, of course, on purpose.

We set in our stances and begin. Eren making the first move swings his fist toward my midsection, and I dodge swiftly extending my arm to block his blow and to retaliate with a hit of my own. I am more skilled at this than Eren so; I take it easy on him by not using my full strength to hit him. With a fair hit to his left shoulder. Once recovered, he tries again with a different approach and fails again to hit me. It caused me to smile. Which in returns seems to anger him and make him more determine to land a punch. But for all his effort he cannot, this goes on for several minutes. I can feel my tension melt away, and I give in to actually having fun dodging his blows and landing my own. I am fast, and it feels good to take my hidden anger out on him with an excuse. I dodge one more hit, and he stumbles and falls. My laughter startles even myself. I bend over, hands on my knees.

"Awe come on, Eren you got to be faster than that." I tease reaching out my hand to help him up,but he knocks it away. I see his eyes narrow ominously. Is he angry at me?

Can someone say sore loser?

Geez, what's his problem?

"I don't need your help. I'm not a fucking kid anymore. Mikasa, I can get up on my own."

My eyes are stinging. His angry out burst has caught the attention of some of the other scouts.

"Get up Yeager! Are you going to let a girl beat you?"

I freeze I know the voice. It's Captain Levi. I bet he banked on this happening, knowing that Eren would get butt hurt about me being better than him.

Eren gets up, brushing the dirt off his clothes; he narrows his eyes scowling at me.

I scowl right back at him the look in my eyes saying "what the fuck? I am not in the mood for this today.'

"Yeager, you need to learn to time your hits, to think ahead and predict your opponent's movements. Here, watch."

"Ackerman, if you will?" he gestures for me to get in position as he follows suit.

Seeing his smug face right now brings His cruel words from last night back to me, rising up my anger toward him.

"You're a fool... Stupid girl..."

I wasn't able to hit him last night but now I think to myself this is my chance. I'll show him.

I crouch into position hands balled up shoulders in and he swings. I dodge, and am quick to see my opening. I lunge landing a swift punch to his face

. Yes! That's right. I'm dancing on the inside. I hit him hard, and boy did that feel great. Levi recovers fast though almost too fast extending his arm toward my face; I barely miss his blow, by ducking low and leaving his hand to narrowly missing my cheek, I can feel the wind from his fist brush past my hair. I smirk to myself. You got to be faster than that Captain. I give him a quick jab to his ribs; he lands a blow to my side. The fight carries on in almost an almost calming pace. He dodges, I duck to the side, land a blow; he blocks and lands one as well. The other scouts watch us cheering on. And I am finding this fight quite fun. He is fast, but so am I. I feel like we are evenly skilled. His eyes are on me, quick to match my every move. This fight is exhilarating. I am panting and sweating under the harsh sun, i don't believe I have ever had this much of a work out against any one while sparring before. I can feel damp beads of sweat roll down my forehead, and down to my chest, I look at the captain and in a instant I realize He hadn't even broken a sweat. He is just as calm and collected as he was before we had started sparring. Just like the night before he is just messing with me. He is not taking me serious at all.

His body is turned slightly to his left side. I see a clear opening to his ribs. If I can time this right, I can make this hurt. I can make him think twice about playing with me. It is now or never. I take my chance, extending my arm; fist angled just right. I focus on my target, preparing myself for impact, but instead of feeling his hard skin connect with my balled fist I hit the air. He's already gone.

But How? He's so fast!

Before I can react I find myself in the same position as the night before, him behind me, arm firmly pressed to my throat.

Yay! Mikasa, way to show him. I had one chance, and I blew it.

"Way to go, captain! That was great." Eren cheers, the other scouts join in.

Levi's body is pressed against my back side and I can feel his breath on my neck again; he is smirking I know he is,that arrogant ass.

"See scouts, if you can study your target and learn their movements. You can predict what they will do next and effectively counter. That's why it's always good to study your enemy before you strike, not to just go all in unprepared. Anyone of you can learn this and become great scouts and fighters. All it takes is some time, dedication and above all discipline."

The last word strikes me. I feel like he has chosen that word on purpose.

His words from last night.

"You don't need love; you need discipline."

Levi releases me, arrogant smirk still on his face. His eyes rake over me.making me want to blush but the same time angering me for wanting to blush. He shouldn't have an effect on me like this !

Yeah, take a picture Captain! I stare him down.

He turns and with a Wave of his hand, calls over his shoulder.

"All of you are dismissed. Free to do what you please till dinner at 6. Today is to be an off day on the account of, Well, I simply do not care."

I stand there looking after him, as people file by and head off to do God knows what. That was my chance, and I blew it. I find myself so frustrated that I had failed. I could just scream.

"I'm sorry Mikasa for snapping at you," Eren says as he appears suddenly by my side.

I am quick to compose myself. I don't want him to see how mad I am at myself or the captain .

But Wait! Did he just apologize? Am I hearing things ? That's new and sudden. I can't remember the last time Eren apologized to me.

"It is ok. Let's forget about it." I wanted just to move on.

"No, Mikasa, it is not ok. I was very wrong. I'm frustrated with the lack of control over my titan form, and I took it out on you."

As much as I want to I can't 't stay mad at him. I've never been able to for the life of me. Here he stands beside me his face marred with dirt and his eyes all but pleading for me to forgive him. He's adorable! Plus; he sounded genuinely sorry.

"Don't worry Eren. I'm not mad. I understand You have a lot on your mind. Come on,everyone is leaving."

As We walk the pathway that leads back towards the barracks. Eren beside me with his hands in his pockets we walk in silence for a while. Things almost feel normal again just him and me. The only thing missing is me scolding Eren for his reckless behavior, getting into another fight with Jean but I told Armin I wouldn't. so I instead walk in silence.

"Do you want to go to the river with Armin and me? We are going to hang there for a couple of hours until dinner. It's a nice day to relax.

Maybe we can go fishing or just swim. It will be fun."

He is right. Today is nice. Not as hot as I thought it would be. There's a slight breeze for once, and Lord knows I could use some rest. Plus, I need to act as if all is fine. What better of opportunity, then this?

A small smile spreads on my lips.

"That sounds really good. Let me just go change and I'll meet you guys there."

"We can wait for you. He offers.

"No, you don't have to it may take me a while."

In all honesty I think could use a minute to myself. To just be alone and gather my thoughts.He is looking at me rather oddly. Usually, I jump at any opportunity to be around him. Be it him just walking me to my cabin.

He looks like he wants to ask me a question, I wait nervously but instead, he just smiles.

"Ok, see you there then."

As we Part our separate ways. I head to my cabin. Thinking to myself My day is beginning to look up


	3. Chapter 3

I am relieved that I had the foresight to tell Eren not to wait for me, that I would meet them there. Because when I arrive at my door, I am greeted by my friend Sasha, who is waiting for me on my steps.

Sasha trained with us in the 104 trainee's squad, and she enlisted in the survey corps with us. Sasha is a sweet girl, with her dark brown hair always up in a ponytail, fiery Ember eyes, and tan skin. She has an appetite; that would shame any full-grown man. As far as looks go, she couldn't be any more opposite to me. My gray eyes dull compared to her own and her hair so healthy complimented her tan skin, my hair black and lifeless framed my porcelain skin making me look pale as a ghost. She was somewhat lazy, and I could train for almost hours on end. But Despite our differences, though we had formed a friendship based mostly on gossip and me giving her my leftover food.

I'm relieved to see her. She is just who I need to talk to, Another girl. I am so fed up with men right now. I need some girl talk. She'll knows what I should do about Levi. She has always been good with guys.

I throw myself at the poor girl catching her off guard, giving her a squeezing hug.

"Sasha, you have no clue, how happy I am to see you. You wouldn't believe what a night I had last night.

Before the poor girl can say one word, I grab her hand and drag her into my room. Wide-eyed, she looks at me confused.

"God Mikasa, sarcasm heavily weighing in her voice. "I'm glad to see you too, and I am just jumping up and down inside to hear about your night, but you don't have to jump me or rip my arm off. Besides, I am so famished from lack of food." She says the back of her hand to her head and faking faint.

It irritates me that I am being reminded Again for the second time today that I was not at dinner last night. But can't help that I feel a tiny bit sorry I was not there to give her my food. I Wouldn't want her to keel over from hunger,Would I? Poor Sasha she didn't get her seconds.

"About that I would tell you why I wasn't there...if you would just shut up for a god damn second woman and stop trying to make me feel bad about not feeding you. You act as if I am your mother. And I am obligated to be at your side during all meal times."

The brunette before me gives me mean look while she sticks her tongue out at me, Maybe I came off a little too harsh.but I have succeeded in effectively shutting her up. With a huff, she makes herself comfortable on my bed, leaning her back against the wall.

'Well, someone obviously woke up on the wrong side of this bed," she mutters staring at me directly. "Now come over and tell me your excuse for starving me." She puts emphasis on the word starving which causes me to roll my eyes at her.

Rubbing the bed seductively Sasha motions for me to join her.

I act as if I am confused ,I looking first to my right then to my left before I widen my eyes, pointing to myself I mouth.

"me?"

She laughs, "yes you, you sexy beast. Now Get your ass over here and tell me what kept you from me last night."

I smile and shake my head.

This playful banter is why I love this girl. We can never stay pissed at each other for long.she understand me. Most people think I come off cold and indifferent, but Sasha knows and understands that is just the way I am, and underneath all the quite protective girl façade is just a girl who doesn't want to lose anyone she loves anymore.

I join her on my bed, and she scoots over to make room for me to lay my head on her lap.

I grab a pillow and nestle in. For a moment, I hesitate not knowing if I should tell her. But she is looking down at me all big eyed and bushy haired.

"Well, tell me don't keep me waiting." she prompts impatiently.

I sigh deeply. No turning back now I guess

"Ok, I will, but you first have to promise not to say a word to anyone, and I mean it, Sasha, no one!"

She looks at me eyebrow raised.

"Promise!"

"Oh ok!"she huffs. I promise. I mean really, Mikasa it's not like I have anyone to tell anyway. I mean seriously, you're the only one I talk to and besides, why would I bite the hand that on MOST occasions literally feeds me. "

The girl had a point I was the only one who gave into her excessive begging for food. Also, I believe there was a very obvious unspoken fact that I would kick her ever loving ass if she said anything.

"Ok see well yesterday I overheard Eren say he doesn't like me in the way I like him..."

'Oh, Mikasa,I'm so sorry .She says sympathetically as she interrupts me.Sasha is the only one I have ever told about how I feel about Eren.

"Sasha, that's not even the bad part. Well, it is. but God just listen it gets worse. See I was all depressed and wanted to be alone. So I headed into the woods. You know the ones on the north side of the campus and well got all ugly emotional. I thought I was alone ..."I pause and squeeze my eyes shut. I don't want to see her reaction."And Captain Levi happened to be there and saw the whole thing."

I can feel the blood rush to my cheeks, and I know I must be bright red. I open one of my closed eyes to peek up at her. She must have been looking at her nails when I said that because her hand is still in front of her waiting to be examined but she is staring at me, her amber eyes wide in horror.

"God, that had to be so embarrassing. What was he doing there?"

"I have no clue what he was doing there. Captain clean freak was probably trying to clean the woods for all I know. You know it was bad enough to for him to find me like that's but to make it even worse Sasha? The bastard came on to me."

"Wait! What? What do you mean he came on to you? Like made a pass?"

" No, not a pass, he called me a fool and a stupid girl for wasting my time on Eren. Then he proceeded to tell me that I had so much promise, and I shouldn't be wasting my time with love and some bullshit that I need discipline. And that well it pissed me off, and you know me, Sasha, I am usually all put together, but I was just so angry, you see I..." I let my word trail off and look away from her ashamed.

"what did you do Mikasa? Sasha's voice is questioning but high pitched.

"I tried to punch him," I admit in a small voice.

She giggles softly. "Looks like Eren's temper is rubbing off on you."

I am surprised at her response. Anyone else would freak out at the thought of me trying to hit the captain. When I look back at her, she is back to meticulously examining each one of her nails.

"I hate to break it to you, Mikasa, that doesn't sound like him coming on to you. That just how Levi is. He's an ass. Did you manage to hit him good, though?"

"No, I didn't he was too fast and yes he was coming on to me. I would know.im not as experienced as you, but he did come up behind me, his arm around my throat, and kissed my neck. And I felt him Umm;" I clear my throat and whisper, "get hard."

Her eyes go wide.

"You're fucking kidding me. Right?"

"No, I am not kidding, wish I was. He tried to touch my boobs, and I freaked. I asked him why he was doing this to me, and he acted like he didn't know what I was talking about. Can you believe that? He just shrugged with a stupid smirk on his face, and he told me because I can ."

Mikasa, you do know what that means right?

I give her a quizzical look

I have absolutely no clue.

"this is your ticket to the elite squad." She teases.

I sit up so I can look into her eyes.

"Oh god shut up Sasha, you don't understand it was horrible. He was such an ass. I don't want anything to do with him."

In my head, I couldn't help to feel that was at least partially correct. I hated him for what he did but at the same time, I couldn't stop thinking about how his body had felt against mine. And I think that pissed me off more than anything, the fact that I was thinking of someone other than Eren that way. I didn't want to see him, but I did at the same time.

Sasha is looking at me seriously now.

"Mikasa don't get me wrong. Yes, he was an ass, but that's what makes Levi well Levi. But keep in mind that is also what makes Levi hot as hell. If I were you, I would have been all over him. I mean seriously, the man is like a damn legend. And besides I think he may be right, though. You are too young to waste your time on love. And when it comes to Eren. You know better than anyone else that He has got a lot riding on him. Even if he did feel the same for you. I wouldn't be the right time at all for such things. Plus, why not get some experience with other guys first. I mean Levi would be my first choice. But you know there's always Jean. He's been crazy about you ever since the first day of training camp."

I cringe. It's hard to hear this from her but god I have to admit she may have a point. Eren does have a lot on his plate right now and here I am mooning after him. Making plans and picturing our lives together, He may be the only way to save the human race. And here I am being selfish, crying over the fact that he doesn't like me as more than a sister. We have a big mission coming up too. He can't be distracted at a time like this. And Maybe I should get some experience you know see what Levi has to offer. I doubt Jean could teach me anything. He seemed just as much a Virgin as I am. But even if I did decide to take Levi up on his offer, how would I initiate it? As a little girl, I had watched as other girls older and way more attractive than myself. Had batted their eyes wearing beautiful dresses and makeup flirt with soldiers and almost without effort had them under their thumb but I have no skill at this, I am cute at best, with no pretty clothes, only my standard uniform and few other garments limited to, two skirts one black, one red. A pair of sandals, a pair of everyday shoes my standard issued boots, pants blue denim and few shirts a blue halter and black tank top oh and or course my Crimson scarf. But none of those seemed to scream seduction. The only skill I have is fighting, but Levi is a god at that and pretty much made he look like a toddler swatting flies with how fast he moved last night and again earlier when we had sparred. I have never been able to for the life of me to draw the attention of the opposite sex with Jean being the exception; that's not saying much though because I believe Jean might go after any girl.

"Earth to Mikasa, hello? Are you there? "Snapped out of my thoughtsI am jerked back to reality. Sasha is looking at me expectantly, waiting for a reply.

"Ok, Sasha, so say I do decide to see what he was talking about, and I can forget that he is an insensitive clean freak asshole, what will that accomplish? Yeah, I could be promoted to the elite squad, but I don't want to screw my way to the top. Also if you haven't noticed I have no clue about what I am doing when it comes to guys. I mean look at me." I gesture to myself" I don't exactly scream sexy."

She grabs my hands in hers ever so gently

"I know you don't, but that's why you have me. Silly girl,just gives me one day, and I will turn you into the sexiest girl in this whole Garrison. When I finish with you, even Titans will pop a boner."

I laugh so hard at that. Covering my mouth to muffle my laughter I almost fall over. She is fucking crazy.

"No, I'm serious. Give me today and I'll make this happen." The look on her face says she's not kidding.

"Ok, Sasha, I believe you but not today. Before I ran into you, I had already made plans to hang out with Eren and Armin at the river. I told them I would meet them there. Do you want to come with me?"

"You know I would, but it's almost lunch, and I am famished I'll go next time."

"Ok, your loss it's going to be fun."

"Yeah. I believe you, but you know what is better than fun...? Food! But I'll walk you halfway if you want. Wouldn't want you getting jumped again by the captain."

"Ha, real funny. Sasha, I'll walk myself. Besides didn't you say I should get some experience? If the Corporal jumps me again, I'll be prepared." I wink at her.

"That's the spirit," she says as she walks to my dresser and rummages through my clothes. After a thorough look, she finds my black skirt and blue halter.

"Here wear this," Sasha says tossing me the clothes." this blue shirt has always looked good on you. It's not the makeover I had in mind, but it will work for now, I guess. Oh, and lose the bra."

"Yes, sir," I mock salute, with my clothes, clutched my hand, I walk into my bathroom to change.

A few minutes pass before I hear Sasha call from my room.

"I'm going to go now. Let me know when you want to do that makeover thing."

"Ok!" I call out. "I'll talk to later. Eat some food for me."

"You don't have to tell me twice."

I hear my door open then close. She is gone. I finish dressing, and look into my mirror. I have to admit to myself; she was right; the shirt does look very nice on me. The dark teal blue compliments my pale skin, the absence of my bra makes me rethink taking it off in the first place. The thought crosses my mind to put it back on but one look at my clock, and I ultimately decide not to. It has already been over 40 minutes. I should get going. Forget the bra. Why shouldn't I be a little bold? Besides its not like Eren or Armin will say or notice anyway.

I arrive at the river without a hitch. No unwanted visitors or surprises. Eren and Amin are waiting for me in a shaded spot not so far from the pathway on a sand bank between two trees, that provides a good amount of shade to hide away from the sun, the water's edge is at our feet. Taking a seat on a rock that is poised above the water. I dip my toes into the cold, wet liquid, the warm sun on my skin and a perfect breeze this feels right, and I hate to admit it, but I am happy Sasha didn't come with me because now we have this oasis to ourselves. Just me, Armin and Eren.

I watch as small fishes nibble at my toes and listen to Armin and Eren talk about seeing the world outside the walls. Hearing this reminds me of the old days when we would sit on the old stone steps by a canal that ran through the shiganshina distract. Armin and Eren would look at a forbidden book that detailed the wonders of the world beyond the wall, and I would sit and listen to them awe over the stories of vast bodies of water and mountains that seemingly touched the sky. We were ten then, back when we lived in childhood ignorance, Eren even then dreamed of joining the survey corps. Who would have thought he would achieve his goal, or that thing would have turned out this way? Armin was a bookworm who always got picked on not very brave, but he was the brightest of us two. I was always by Eren's side helping him save Armin, and of course eventually having to save Eren himself from the same bullies he had taken on for Armin because he would always shoot his mouth off to the wrong people be it defending Armin from bullies or supporting the scout regime. Eren would go off on any individual who bad mouthed the scouts openly calling them all cowards. Eren's temper is always getting him in trouble he never thought things through just acted always wanting to protect and defend the things he loved. At the time thinking back it wasn't that great we lived the same day over and over protected by a false sense of security, but even so I would love just to go back for a day and be able to enjoy life. Everything has changed so much. We all had lost so many friends. I don't know what I would do if I lost Eren or Armin. I look at one then the other. They are laughing about something, and I am overwhelmed with a feeling of love for both of them I would do anything to keep them from harm. They are my world; all I have left. I know without a doubt they would do anything for me as well. Ever since that horrible day we lost wall Maria and our home. We stayed together, we enlisted in the 104 trainee's squad together, graduated together fought in the battle of Trost together and when Ern was entrusted into Captain Levi's care at his tribunal court hearing and went to the scouting legion. It was but mere days later that Armin and myself followed him. And with less than a month and a half away till we embark on the 57th expedition outside the walls on a practice run to shiganshina. I am overwhelmed with the feeling of just wanting to make this day last.

"mikasa." Eren calls my name from where he is sitting in the shade.

Still dazed by my thoughts, I reply "huh?"

"I called your name like ten times. You seem quiet today. You have hardly said anything at all. What is going on with you?"

"You did? I'm sorry "I sigh. "I was just thinking of when we were kids, and we use to do this very same thing. I miss those days;You two realize that in a month and a half we have a very dangerous mission coming up,and I just want to say I am very happy I have you guys."

Both boys, the blonde hair one and the brunette smile shyly. Both seem a little uncomfortable with my sudden omission of affection.

"Awe, come on. Mikasa, everything going be okay. There's no need to get sentimental" Eren groans.

"No, seriously I'm grateful to have you and Armin in my life. You two better be careful out there. I know we will all be separated and put in different positions in the formation."

Eren is giving me a look, and I know what he will say. So I beat him to it.

" Yes, I know Eren that you will be with Commander Erwin and the elite squad. But Armin will not be. And that makes me worry. I wish we were all placed together."

"Mikasa, it will be ok between Captain Levi, the elite squad, and my titan form. We should have nothing to worry about. Besides, it is just a practice run. Yes, there will still be a danger, but I believe we can do this. You are more than capable of taking down any Titan, your skills are almost as good as the captains, and Armin is not to be underestimated his skill with 3d maneuvering gear is not as good as yours but combined with his intelligence, he will be fine."

Eren turns his attention to the setting sun,

"It will be ok, Mikasa." He reassures me." I promise. We will be okay."

"He is right, Mikasa we will be ok," Armin adds as he walks to my side and lays his hand on my shoulder

I want so bad to believe them. But I can't because I know they cannot promise that. Eren and Armin have no control over what will happen.

I don't want to argue with them, though, so I drop the subject. I do not want to spoil our time together. We watch as Pink, purple, and orange clouds streak through the Sky; I'm enthralled. This beautiful world is marred with so much hurt and blood. I have lost so much and against all odds. In a world where I thought I would never have a home. I have found my home with them. We sit the three of us in silence watching the sky. I want this moment to last forever. I know realistically that it won't so I just treasure it. Knowing soon the bell will ring from the clock tower signaling its almost time for dinner and we will have to rejoin the others and who knows when we will have another day like this. Just the three of us.

I felt sluggish today writing this chapter hope it's ok.please leave a comment would love some feed back


	4. Chapter 4

Mature content ahead. ;)

"I hate him. I hate him. I fucking hate him. "I repeat in my head almost as a mantra now, as I shovel shit and hay from the horse stalls, it's hot. I'm Miserable, sweating, my back hurts and the cherry on top of this shit flavored pie is I smell like aged shit ran over and brought back to get ran over again and left in the sun. I swear The Captain has purposely given me cleaning duty for the last three days in a row. It is the worst chore to be given because to Levi you can never do a good enough job. I have clean the horse stables so much and so frequently, that we could eat a meal in here or even sleep in here and who's to say maybe I am to live in here. I bet that's why he has made me clean this place so much. I should be out training or studying the tactical plan for the mission coming up. Or with Eren as he is poked and prodded by Hanji, who is still very mad at me for not giving the commander the message she had told me to days ago. Hopefully, she'll get over that soon, but instead, I have been out here all day in the sun working my ass off, and I am still not finished. I'm seriously considering making horses my least favorite animal. How can any living thing poop so much, I mean that seriously, "Fuck you!" I say to a horse I pass by named Bridget. And wouldn't you know she takes a shit. "Awe, come on." I yell in exasperation, "you suck! Why! You stupid, stupid horse. Why! I swear to god I will feed you to the first Titan I see the soonest chance Get!"

I kick the dirt at my feet. Great, I'm yelling at a horse that's it, I've lost it. My lack of sleep and this daily task of cleaning this damn stable have caused me to lose my mind. I so need a break. I have been here all day. Since before sunrise and here it is about an hour till the sun goes down and I'm here cleaning. And for what!? Every time I turn around or bat an eyelash, another low life horse is defecating. It's an endless cycle of shit, and I have had it. I am taking a break; I don't care anymore if Levi finds me. But just to make sure. I sneak a look around to see if Captain clean is anywhere close by. After a quick look around all sides of the barn, I do not see or hear anyone and decide the coast is clear. I put my shovel down, propping it against the wall and I kneel down right where I am standing and lean my back on the same wall the shovel is resting, letting my eyes close for the first time in hours I take a deep breath and let it out slow. As if by an act of God, a small breeze blows in cooling my face and arms, I let my shoulders sag. In my head, I can just image with my luck lately the shovel losing its balance and hitting me smack in the face, I peek one eye open and give the shovel I dare you to glare because if that were happen, I think I would without a doubt lose my ever loving mind. I have enough of this week, enough of this day, enough of this shit. All I want is to be able to go to my room, take a hot shower, put on some clean clothes and pass out. Surely that would be heaven. I can almost feel myself drooling over the thought of hot water on my body and my soft bed with my feather pillow and cool blue sheets. I would give anything at this moment to be there.

My eyes are heavy, and I let my head lull to the side. I am so tired, this breeze which I had thought for sure was a god sent is now making it Hard to keep my eyes open. I am so relaxed I just want to sleep. The birds are chirping and the heat of the day is giving way to early evening coolness with the slight warm smell of autumn leaves. I Yawn and tell myself I am just going to rest my eyes for a second. My breathing begins to shallow. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help but let myself drift off into a sound sleep.

The nightmares begin almost instantly, this time, I am back in our old home in the shiganshina district. It's early morning. The clock says 7 am. I am at the table with Eren and his mom, Carla. We are eating breakfast, warm, flaky bread with rich, creamy butter and tangy orange cheddar cheese, we are talking about what the day will hold for us and wondering out loud when Dr. Jaeger, Eren's father, Carla's husband will be home. We have made a surprise for him. A very delicious cake made from fresh strawberries and cream. And even though I know this is a dream I can almost feel the built up anticipation of wanting to taste the sweet frosting. I am staring at the cake with utter and complete love and adoration,When I hear Carla say something to Eren, they must be arguing again because whatever she has said causes Eren to run from the house, but before Carla can go after him, I offer to go for her instead. As I race along the once familiar streets looking for him checking all our usually places. I can't find him anywhere. The sky is getting darker and darker, and I am beginning to panic. I'm screaming his name. And then I'm suddenly in a field by a tree, where I would sometimes catch Eren napping when we were supposed to be doing chores. But he is not here. I can now hear screaming from the town behind me and the roar of a Titan. I want to run but I can't. I need to find Eren. I turn to look at the town behind me but now it's gone there nothing but a blackness surrounding me. No trees, no buildings, no people just pitch black. Here I am, all alone. And I'm scared. I can hear people screaming. They are hurt. I can hear Titans, but I can't see anything. I can't help them. I cannot help Eren, Carla or Armin. I can't see them. Can't find them. I'm useless. I sink don't to huddle into a ball. I'm shaking back and forth back and forth. I hear some on calling my name no, screaming my name" Mikasa! Mikasa!"

It sounds so close.

"mikasa?"

Immediately I am jolted awake. Someone is shaking me, where am I? I open my eyes. My horrible dream fades away. I'm lying in the dirt. I can tell it is dark now outside. How long was I asleep?... Fuck I'm not even finished with my job. The person who was shaking me has stopped. I am staring at their shoes. I have an intense gnawing feeling; I know who it is too. God, I'm going to be in for it.

"Ackerman..."

I grimace. How did I know it would be him?

"Sir," I reply as I push myself up and onto my knees. My body and stiff limbs are screaming in protest. I am still a little groggy. I am immediately shocked by the hand, outstretched before me to help me up. I hesitate for a moment, uncertain. Then slowly put my hand on his. It is warm and calluses, but in a weird way soft. Not at all what I expected.

He helps me to my feet, and I am now face to face with him. I notice that his clothes look disheveled and out of place as if he was in a fight, but I had no knowledge of anyone going out beyond the walls today. His eyes are glazed, and he shows no emotion. He says nothing he doesn't even look mad. I am thrown off a little. He should be yelling at me. Something is different about him right now. Why isn't he yelling at me? Where are his smart ass remarks? Maybe he wants me to admit my mistake and apologize. If that's the case, why should I apologize? I would have never fallen asleep if not for him working me so hard the past couple days. I want to stand my ground being mad at him, but I can't he's my superior. I am to be respectful, so I swallow my pride. And begin my half-hearted apology.

"I am sorry, Sir. I was just so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open. I know that's no excuse, though..."

My words are interrupted by his finger to my lips. I'm confused. Is he shushing me? What the hell. I'm not a kid. I look at him bewildered, dazed, he softly trails his fingers over my lips, his eyes hold some emotion, I don't understand. He is staring at my mouth, and he seems to be in a trance sliding his hand against my cheek he grasps me behind my neck pulling my lips to his.

He is kissing me! My mind goes blank for a second. I am surprised.what's going on? He should be mad, not kissing me and if he's not mad. I most certainly should be. He's the reason I am so tired and hurting and dirty. He's the reason I question my feeling for Eren. His kisses and words have haunted my usual nightmare filled dreams. He has pissed me off repeatedly. I hate him so much. But in a sick way, I can't explain I want this, and I find myself kissing him back wanting to be closer to him, gripping his upper arms I feel his biceps he is surprisingly strong ... Muscular. Tentatively, I move my hand to his face and slowly to his hair so soft and messy I grab a handful in my fist, pulling him into me to deepen our kiss. He groans His tongue probes my bottom lip prompting me to open my mouth wider and let him in. His tongue wet and warm twist with mine. First gently and testing,Then, with more force and urgency. his hand is rubbing and palming my ass. I moan in his mouth without breaking our kiss. His hands, so skilled and Divine are working their magic on my body. I have seen these very hands viciously slaughter many Titans. And now they are being used on me with almost the same grace and certainty but soft and caring. I am so caught up in the moment I don't even notice that we have moved until I suddenly feel my back greeted by one of the rough wooden walls to a stall behind us.

Aw god, it feels so good. I can feel my body catching fire like the time before in the woods. My breathing is rapid. His skilled fingers are making quick work of my shirt buttons and exposing my black bra dipping his head lower he uses his smart mouth to kiss my breast. It feels like electricity has shocked me causing me to crying out for more

"Aww captain please..."

He makes a low groan noise in his throat; I'm affecting him as much as he is affecting me, and this turns me on more seeing this. I pant with anticipation when he pulls the material of my bra down exposing one of my breasts. The underwire working in his favor pushes my breast up presenting and offering up my rose colored nipple.

"You're beautiful, Ackerman." He blows hot air onto my nipple, making it perk up toward him.

"I want to do things to you. You could never imagine."

I'm panting now. I look down at his mouth poised over my nipple. This is unfair. I want to feel his mouth on me touching my sensitive peak. He says I wouldn't be able to image what he wants to do to me, and I think then why doesn't he show me?

"Show me then." I plead.

His looks up at me, his eyes narrow, questioning my words.

"Show me, Sir, please I want to know," I beg

He looks torn. Something is going on with him. Something has shaken this confident man. For him to act this way. To break his arrogant take what I want attitude. But I don't want to question it. Not right now.

He shakes his head. Eyes blank and void almost as if he's not home in his head.

"I shouldn't do this," He says in almost an inaudible whisper. He is fighting himself; He takes one hard look at my body trembling with need. And I can see in his eyes he has lost the fight.

"Fuck it! Fuck it all!" He says abruptly, straitening up to stand. Taking my face in his hands. He kisses me feverishly.

"You asked for it. No going back now. You hear me? Now wrap your legs around me." He commands. I nod meekly and do as I am told. With my legs now wrapped around his waist, he is positioned between my thighs; my arms draped loosely around his neck. I can feel how hard he is through his pants. He feels enormous. The pressure of his shaft rubbing against me is amazing; I moan loud, throwing my head back and closing my eyes, he places his hand over my mouth to muffle me.

"Quiet! Ackerman. Wouldn't want anyone finding us? Now, do we?" He tells me through tortuous kisses.

No, I don't... I never in my life have done this before, but I know now without a doubt I never want this to end. This addicting torture of his hot mouth is kissing my body Neck, chest and my breast. The slow flicks of his tongue on my nipples, while grinding his erection between my legs. I can feel myself get wet. I am almost soaking. I am pushing back against throbbing dick through his pants rubbing my sex against him. As he whispers filthy words to me.

" I want to feel cum, ... I want your tight slit to clench my shaft as I ride you."

I'm panting; his words, groans, and grunts send me into frenzy writhing against him, whimpering against his hand. He meets my every movement with his. I can fill my body start to tremble. Pressure is building, and I am lost with abandon. His licks and kisses feel like a powerful drug. I want more.

My stomach clenches and I don't know what is happening to me, but it feels so good. I feel like I am about to lose it.

"Oh! God Sir, please don't stop."I plead my words muffled by his hand.

He must know I am close. Because he speeds up and pushes harder against me increasing the friction.

"Let go" he whispers against my neck moving to catch my cries in his mouth as I do. Losing all control as I convulse and shuddering against him. I rub myself against his dick through his pants. My nails are digging into his skin. I feel him tense under my palms.

I have never in my life experienced so much pleasure, and I know now I never want to be without it.

When I regain my senses, I am drained and tired and content still rubbing gently against him. Trying to calm my breathing. I want so badly to return the favor and to help him find his release, he has to be aching but much to my disappointment he slows down and plants soft kisses to my lips and my Hair. His breaths are rigid and his muscles tense, but still he tries to let me on my feet ever so gently. I protest.

"Sir I want to return the favor," I say planting kisses to his neck. My hand is now rubbing his enormous shaft through is pants. I can feel his dick throbbing. I am half asleep though leaning against him. Grabbing my hand in his He stops me, and I try weakly to brush his hand away, but he is strong and in the state I am. I can't fight him. He wraps his arm around my waist pulling me in closer. I can swear I feel his smile against my hair. This must be a dream. The captain never smiles.

"I'll hold you to that some other time. But for now, my little slacker needs sleep."

"Fuck you." I slur as he lifts me in his arms. I try again to fight him. I don't want to be carried like a helpless child. But my strength has left me. I am drained and tired. Cradling me my head against his chest. He laughs, and it is a glorious strange sound that fills my chest with tenderness, I didn't think I could feel toward him. I don't believe I have ever heard him laugh. Again I repeat to myself this had to be a dream. A very unexpected pleasant dream.

"Let us get you to your bed. Can't leave you to sleep with the horses".

Good, he doesn't intend for me to live here after all.

I don't remember the walk to my cabin or him, apparently undressing me. The only and last thing I remember is him laying me on my bed and kissing me on my lips then darkness. No nightmares or dreams just sleep. For once in my life.

(This was my first time writing such a piece. So many blushes. I hope it was ok and I want it known that after I had reread this, I realized people might think I do not like horses. That I can assure you is mostly not true. Lol I do not bash on horses daily but only on the days I step in their shit)


	5. Chapter 5

When I wake, it is dark. And I am in my bed; I vaguely remember how I got here. I was in the stables and Levi ...

The memories flood my mind like a damn breaking. Ah! Dear God, what have I done? Oh, I'm so stupid. The captain Mikasa?Really? I scold myself. What time was it ? How long was I asleep? The clock says it is 4 a.m. I count in my head trying to figure out how long I have been out. I can only guess whatever happened between Levi and me, must have happened around nine or ten and if that is true I must have been very tired from all the work the past couple days and all my whorish behavior, that I just passed out.

God, why am I so warm? I let out a long drawn out huff of frustration. It's like a damn sauna under this blanket, I go to move the blankets away from my body but freeze. Someone is asleep next to me. My thoughts come to a screeching halt. And my heart is racing, please! Please! Please! Don't say I have done anything more with Levi than I had done already? I do a quick mental check of my body I am sore, but not sore in a way I would think I would be if I had given my virginity to him. God, I knew I was way too warm than what I should be beneath my blankets. I look over, and Levi looks sound asleep, I blush remembering last night and swallow hard even in his sleep he looks intimidating but wow is he a sight. Relaxed and asleep next to me. I am mixed with emotion. There is something about him that makes me want to sigh in awe and at the same time beat him. I feel a weird pull towards him. Raising my hand tentatively, I lightly brush my hand through his hair. My lips parted and eyes wide as I marvel at this wonderful fucked up man in my bed. He sighs heavily, making me jerk my hand back quick. I hadn't expected him to wake up so easily.

His gruff voice startles me as it fills the air.

"Go back to sleep." he grumbles, his voice tired and low, still holds such authority. Throwing his arm around me he pulls me close to nestling against him. He smells Devine. So masculine and strong, but I don't want to sleep. I have questions; I need them to be answered. I'm curious and awake; it's too late to go back now.

"Captain?" I whisper.

I need to know why he's here. Why had last night happened? I do not care if he gets mad.

"Don't Akerman not now," He says warningly."We will talk about it later. For now, just be quiet. And lay with me."

Tempting. But I don't want to be quiet, though. I want my questions answered, and I want them now. I can't do this. I can't just act like this is normal. Even though his warm body is engulfing mine and it feels so good. I need him to answer my questions.

"Sir, I need to know what happened yesterday." I press on.

"And I said let it go." He replies Anger is now seeping into his voice.

But I don't want to. I'm not backing down. I never back down. I push away from him, away from his warmth and his comforting smell. Sitting up in the bed. I Reach over to my side table and turn on a small lamp . The dim light cast an eerie glow about the room. My thoughts are racing. One of the most talented men in the scouting legion is lying in my bed shirtless. And I just pulled away from him because I have questions... I must be crazy; I think to myself. I am glad his eyes are closed still, for he cannot see me gawking at his body in the dark. I dab my lower lip with my tongue I'm about to poke the beast.

"Tell me sir I need to know."

"Well, aren't you a mouthy Bitch I said let it go?" He grabs my pillow and shoves it under his head,

He's ignoring me. And did he seriously just call me a bitch? What the fuck.

He is in my room, in my bed and he is insulting me?I shake my head.

"No, I will not. I cannot do that, sir. Something happened yesterday, and I'm not just going to let you tell me that it was nothing."

"Goddamn, it Ackerman, Can you just take an order for once." He sounds more annoyed now.

He's telling me to take orders, to be quiet. No, I refuse. I'm not going to let him tell me what to do. I am all but shaking with anger. I'm done letting this man rule me. I'm through with this. Grabbing the blankets in my hands hard, my eyes blur and I stare at him intently. His eyes remain closed; he has no idea how mad I am. But he's about to. My voice is shaky, but I let my words seethe out.

"You listen to me you started this; you are the one who came on to me. You are the one who has for the past few days have made my life miserable. You called me a fool for loving Eren; you made an example of me in front of everyone during training .you dared to say I need discipline and then you have me clean the stables for three God damn days, all the while ignoring me. Then Out of fucking nowhere you kiss me and do... "I blush a little lowering my voice. "Do things to me and make me feel things I never in my world dreamed of. Then you tell me not to ask questions! To follow an order. Fuck you! I will not. I repeat will not just bow down because you tell me too. You may be captain but you have no right to do such things to me and then demand me not to ask questions. What happened yesterday? Answers me or you can leave. And don't even think about lying. I know well enough to know when someone is lying to me and when something's wrong, and something was wrong. Tell me. Please."

Moving his head from the pillow he narrows his eyes at me, his hair falling in his face, he smirks at me, rolling onto his back in one swift movement.

I could hardly believe my eyes. Did just really smirk at me? Any other person would and should be scared of me now. Even Eren, who has seen the worst of my anger would run.

"Ok, don't get your panties in a bunch." He says nonchalantly, Staring up blankly at the ceiling.

"I went out yesterday by myself I needed to think. I have a place I usually go to and train. Some smaller Titans appeared, and I was picking them off it was easy enough, but then an abnormal Titan came out of nowhere and caught me off guard."

Caught him off guard? I have never seen Captain Levi caught off guard but even with his talents. I can't believe he would ever be that reckless; he should never go out by himself especially with the increase of Titans lately.

He turns his head towards me. My face must show a hint of horror at his revelation.

"Don't look at me that way or I'll stop right now and leave."

I try to compose myself. I want to hear what he has to say.

He sighs loudly "I know it was stupid, ok I got cocky and well let's say it was close." Closing his eyes his voice lowers, "it shook me up pretty Bad,got me thinking. I fight so hard for everyone but no one who counts. Unlike you, you fight for the ones you love. You repeatedly put yourself in danger. You would sacrifice yourself for the ones you love. Your determination and devotion are so damn frustrating. I can't wrap my mind around it. But I want that. I have gotten so numb. So use to losing people. I have no drive. I just kill because I can and am good at it, but you are good, and you push yourself further because you love. I was dumb to call you foolish... in a way I think I did because your blind devotion to Eren. I want that. I want your devotion. I want to be your motivation."

He looks at me with a raw emotion his eyes. This is the first time. I have ever seen any emotion in these eyes other than contempt, boredom or silent amusement. He is waiting for my response. And I have none.

"Sir..."

"Levi." He corrects me." you can call me Levi."

I'm flustered my chest feels like it's on fire and it's hard to breathe.noone has said anything like that to me before.And now he wants me to call him by just his name.I feel so nervous.I swallow hard and push myself to try and say his name.

"L..levi, " I feel strange saying just his name.i'm so use to calling him sir or captain.

I look up at him shyly.he is waiting for me to say something but what?"

In truth, I don't know what to say. His words have thrown me off.One minute he's ass to me the next he is tender. What does he mean he wants my devotion? His eyes are on me; I feel them. I wish I had a reply for him, but I don't. I am lost.

I furrow my eyes brows I'm so confused.

He grabs my hand and pulls me down to lay next to him on my back. And I let him. I am too stunned and confused to fight him.

"You fight to protect your friends Eren, Armin, Sasha, Jean... Mikasa, I want to fight for you. I want to help carry the burden. If you want it so, I will even help you protect Eren, guarding him as more than just a person in my charge and if he where to go Titan and get rampant. I would vow not to kill him as I have been commanded to but I would do anything to save him for you. I will do this and more if you become mine. You have to understand you're the strongest most frustrating woman I have ever met the only one I can consider my equal; you piss me off. But I want to be the one who saves you. I want you, no other."

Would he do that for me? Knowing the way, I feel for Eren. How I love him. He would put that all aside and save Eren at all cost if I was his. I can't imagine any one wanting to help the boy, the girl he wants to be with us in love with. I can't wrap my mind around all of this it's just all so overwhelming.

"I don't need saving though Levi and I cannot be owned..."

"Shut up. And don't fight me. I am trying. Damn, it. Can you not see? Let me do this I want to be the one you don't need to worry about. The one that you don't need to save. You are always worried about everyone you care about. I want you to care for me but never worry. I know I can never take the love you have towards Eren but if you become mine I can give something he can't."

"And what's that?" I say sarcastically

He suddenly moves then to lean over me. His eyes serious.

"I can give you pleasure and a piece of mind. I can hold my own. We can train together, we can help each other through this fucked up world. We are above most elite fighters and we can grow together." He threads his fingers through mine and my heart begins to race.

"No one has to know. We can keep this to ourselves a quiet motivation something to look forward to. A ray of light in the darkness." He brushes his lips on mine. "Mikasa, we are two of the same. Let us be each other strength."

Why would no one have to know?

"You mean me to be like a dirty little secret Levi?"

"No, not a dirty secret. Mikasa, if we were to take it public, there would be repercussions. You have to understand we give our lives to these people. We sacrifice for these people, but they do not care. They can and will control our personal lives."

He's right. Everything he is saying is true. People would never understand a relationship between a captain and a younger newly recruited scout member. There would be repercussions, but what he is saying is also enticing. Himself strong and skilled I would never have to worry about him holding his own.

"If I were to say yes, Levi. What then? How would we move forward?"

He moves to cover my whole body with his taking my other hand in his. Both my hands now fully threaded with his. We fit perfectly, his hand in mine like a glove.

"If you were to say yes, then we would act as if there was nothing between us. I would continue to, as you say "make your life miserable..."

Ha! If that's his pitch, I am not buying.

"Well, since you put it that way. How can I refuse? Where do I sign up corporal?" Interrupt

"Let me finish." He says through gritted teeth. "We would carry on acting if nothing is going on. I have the power to take on a student to teach. To mentor. no-one would be any the wiser. I could train you. Not that there is much for you to improve on. You are already very good. And when we are not training we could find other means of entertainment. No one would suspect anything."

"Ok, I'm intrigued" I admit to him." But what would be this other means, you are taking about?

Looking down at me he raises one eyebrow in question.

"You really are a virgin aren't you?"

Immediately I feel my face flush red. I am embarrassed that I didn't pick up on what he meant by other means.

"I thought you were just slightly inexperienced, but you are really a virgin? He looks truly shocked. How is this possible? I mean, look at you? I would have thought..."

Oh god, this is embarrassing.

I interrupt him. "I just never..."

"Never what? got Jaeger to man up?" He laughs.

I scowl at him

"Fuck you, Levi."

In a flash His eyes darken I would like that very much. He says as he grinds his hips In between mine. Causing a sudden moan escape my lips. I hadn't thought much about what I was wearing at all till now a pair of panties and apparently he had dressed me in His shirt. I feel totally exposed and I could feel very much every inch of his hardening erection. Pressing into me. Making my stomach clench in need. I immediately feel myself get wet in response. Aw god, he feels so big, I need to shut this down, no matter how good it feels. I need my head clear to think. Him doing this to me won't help.

"I need time to think, Levi." I gasp, trying to remain calm.

He moves to kiss my neck. His soft kisses ghosting over my skin. The same heat as last night returns to my body. My pulse quickens lust building. I bite back a whimper. My body begs me to let him continue, but my mind tells me to stop this. That I should think this through. I squeeze his hand as hard as I can digging my nails into him, I need his attention

"Levi, please?"

He finally stops mouth hovering above my collar bone.

"Hmm?"

"I need to think about this."

"Go head." He says continuing

"Ah! God, not like this! I need a clear head. If you want a real decision from me, you have to stop."

"Ugh, fine. Tease!" He says in defeat. He adjusts his erection in his pants. And moves to lay beside me.

"Come lay with me then for a while. I have to leave soon anyway"

What? leaving? Why? Was it because I said no?

He must have realized my panic. A knowing look is in his eye. Like he can read my mind, he starts explaining

"It's almost time for everyone to get up. I need to be gone before anyone notices me slipping from your room. I highly doubt me saying we were playing cards or having a strictly platonic sleepover will fool anyone. Now come here and lay with me." He motions for me to come join him and for once tonight I do what I am told Snuggling up close. And just enjoying this. Whatever this may or may not be.

"I'm surprised you actually listened." he manages to jab in

"Shut up."

"Never!" He scoffs looking away, scanning my room with his eyes. Probably judging me on the state of cleanliness or lack thereof.

I look at him. He's relaxed and calm again in a way I guess he always is. He never loses his cool and I have to admit that characteristic in him is attractive. What I am I going to do? On one hand this man drives me up the walls with his passive jerk attitude and on the other hand, from what I have seen tonight he can be surprisingly nice but none the less still a jerk at the same time. So pretty much 75 percent jerk and 25 percent nice. All wrapped up in a handsome dark looking package. Very tempting indeed.

I would have never in my wildest dreams thought this is how things would turn out. I always pictured myself with Eren, no one else till recently, I do not love Levi, but I cannot deny a certain pull toward him. He could teach me so many things. And didn't Sasha say I should get some experience any way? He could also help me save my loved ones. If I do this he would help me protect Eren. But at what cost to me. I have always thought I would give anything for the ones I loved to be safe, but can I give myself to this intimidating man to do whatever he may want, in order to ensure his deadly skill to help the man I love who will never return my feeling in the way I want?. But Levi could return those feelings. Even now as I am deep in thought I can feel an undeniable attraction to him. But what will happen if I decide to do this Would Levi feel more obligated to keep his partners adopted brother safe? We are all to embark on the 57 expedition outside the walls and I am all but certain Eren will be with Levi and the Levi squad. He could protect him as fiercely as I would. And I realize then I would give anything for Eren to be safe and armin to be safe. I would even be with this man in ways, I would never dream. Together Levi and I can do this. We are in truth made the same. Deadly. This could work.

My alarm sounds. The one that wakes me every morning, signaling for me to get up. And he moves to turn it off and leave the bed. I groan. Strangely I don't want him to go yet

Climbing over me to get out of bed, he playfully says

"Come on. Time to get up, slacker."

I roll my eyes. That's going to get old real quick.

"Can you please let that go?"

He kisses me quick and hard on my mouth before I can stop him.

"Nope! If you didn't want to be called a slacker then you shouldn't have fallen asleep on the job."

I flash a look of pure anger at him.

"I wouldn't have fallen asleep if you hadn't worked me so hard."

"Ha, you call that work." He looks amused. "Now get up." He grabs my hands and helps me to my feet. We stand there facing each other our fingers barely touching it feels as if something electric shoots through my body when his fingers lightly brush mine. Can he feel it too? His eyes are fixed on my mouth again I bit my lower lip. Does he want to kiss me again? I am silently hoping he will. I want that sinful kiss he gave me last night. My breath shallows with just the thought of it. He moves forward, but instead of kissing me. He rests his forehead against mine. breathing in he says.

"You have to take a shower. You smell like a horse"

Again he never fails to shock me.

"You are such an ass" I whisper appalled.

"Yes, I am but you will get used to it."

The smile he flashes me is devious and sexy as fuck." Now come, I need my shirt back. Though it does look mighty fine one you. I have work to do."

His fingers grasp the material of the shirt and begin to unbutton it. Letting his fingers purposely graze my skin. When he undoes the last bottom, I shrug out of it, leaving me in nothing but my panties. He draws in a sharp breath and I can feel his eyes raking over every inch of me causing me to blush feverishly and move to put my arm over my chest but he stops me. His voice is rough and hushed.

"Don't be shy you're beautiful like this. You beautiful always but breathtaking like this."

I instantly feel giddy inside. Wanting to smile. I think that is the nicest thing I've ever heard him say to me. In fact it's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me .

I look up at him. His eyes are on me but I can't tell What he thinking? He draws a shaky breath and steps back running his hand over his mouth then through his hair. He looks maddened

"I have to go before I do something we will both regret. But I meant what I said, though. Think about it and I'll be back tonight if I can."

Putting his shirt on and grabbing his shoes he heads for the door, leaving me to my make my decision and to apparently shower the smell of horses and sadly a faint smell of him off my skin.

(I apologize for any typos. I hope this is is a good chapter please comment and let me know how I am doing, this is my first fanfic, so naturally I would like to how it's going so far. Any pointer or such is invited )


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry for typos. Comments and advice is always welcome. Enjoy :)

"Haven't seen you in a while. "Armin says to me as he takes a seat beside me on a wooden bench in the dining hall.

"Yeah, no kidding. Where have you been? "Eren chimes in taking the seat across from us.i am disappointed in my self. I must have been so caught up in my thoughts that I hadn't even noticed them until they were already here. If I had been paying attention I would have had time to prepare myself to face them. It is already mid-afternoon and I had spent my day so far since I had left my room, purposely trying to avoid everyone. Not wanting to get caught up in mindless chit-chat or being asked to run pointless errands. I can not help but to feel a tinge of guilt inside because on any other day I Usually would be happy to see these two. In fact more than happy But today's not any other day I have a choice to make and besides, what do I say to them. hey, I'm sorry we haven't hung out, I've been caught up shoveling horse shit and grinding on our captain but never mind that guys. I need to ask you a question. how would you feel about me hooking up with captain Levi to ensure he helps me keep you all safe?

No doubt that would not settle well. I could just imagine the looks on their faces. So I can't tell them the truth but I hate lying them but What choice do I have, though if I choose to as Levi says become "his". Lying will have to become second nature to me. Maybe I don't really have to lie. I'll just twist the truth a little bit so it's not a complete lie. More like a fib.

Yeah! That's it, See I'm good at this. I'm lying to myself already.

"I'm sorry guys. I was stuck cleaning the horse stall for the past three days."

See I coax myself that wasn't hard. I didn't even have to lie. I just told them the bare minimum they don't need to know the whole story

I was stuck cleaning the past couple days. I let myself relax a little. I have nothing to worry about unless they had physically laid witness to Levi slipping from my room early this morning, they won't ask any questions I'll have to lie about.

"Wow, Mikasa three days! The stables are usually my job but even when it is, I am never stuck with the duty for three days." Eren says as he stirs his mash potatoes with indifference.

"No kidding." Armin joins in." Did Corporal Levi give you that?"

"Of course, who else!?" I raise my eyebrow in question at Armin." C'mon, that is like..." I make air quotations. "His thing" I joke.

Eren' face turns up in a smile and he laughs. Making my heart constrict.

"No kidding, but for three days though? Did you make him mad or something?" Eren asks

Nope, not really. I think in my head. Just apparently catch his attention, attempt to hit him and oh yeah, rub myself against him like a wanton whore! Nothing out of the ordinary. But of course, I can't tell them that.

"I have no clue what I could have done." I shake my head bewildered because in truth I have no idea why the captain is interested in me,why he put me on stable duty or why he has done any of the things he has done to me in the last week.

"Eren, you personally know that you don't have to make The captain mad get him to put you on stable duty. sometimes he just does it because he is a dick and well he can."

"mikasa! You really shouldn't say that about him." Armin warns with a hushed whisper, while he looks over the room around us. "someone could hear you and report it. he may be difficult but he is still our superior and we have to respect him."

Like hell, that will happen. Even if I do accept his offer I don't think I can fully respect him. As my captain yes but as a potential lover no. he has a real attitude problem and I'm not going to stand being belittled or bossed around. I guarantee he will learn that very fast.

I shrug my shoulders and push my plate away from me. I honestly could Carless if anyone heard me or not. Beside what will captain do spank me?

I can feel a sudden heat rush over my body and a blush spread across my cheeks at the thought of him spanking me. Oh god! It dawns on me, I might like that. I can not stop a fleeting image of levi bending me over his office desk and smacking my ass from flashing in my mind vividly.

Wow! where did that come from? Embarrassed I pull my scarf up to hide my face and try to gain my composer.

"Are you ok? Mikasa? Eren asks. Your face is all red.

"Hmmm? Uh? Yeah, I'm fine! I'm fine! " I look down at my clasp hands in my lap and avoid erens preying eyes.

"It's ... It's" I stammer" It's just this heat... is really getting to me."

"Really, I actually thought it was pretty cool today? Well, anyway you better be careful Mikasa, don't push yourself too hard" armin says his voice full of concern for me.

I feel bad that he is concerned for me when the only reason my face is so red was because my perverted thought of the captain.

"I'll try not to Armin, so, please. Don't worry about me. Like I said I'm fine."

" ok, but let me know if you'd don't feel any better and I will walk you to the infirmary, if you want?" Admin offers.

"Thank you, but I'll be fine." I smile sweetly at Armin. The blond e boy next to me has always been the more caring one in this small group of three. Always taking care of me and thinking of my well being ever since we were kids.

I am relieved that they drop the subject and turn their attention back to their food it was embarrassing enough to have had Eren notice how red my face got when I had those thought about the captain's punishment.

Our conversation has gone dead though and the silence is really bugging me for some reason. Maybe now would be a good time to lay some groundwork that way if I do take Levi up on his offer which I most Likely will. I can avoid any later questions from these two. No, of course, I couldn't tell them the full extent of Levi's offer but I could tell them that He offered me a student position. I take a deep shaky breath.and begin.

"You know guys. "I say quietly. "the captain offered me a student position to shadow him, he would train me and maybe even give me a chance to become a part of his squad. "

Eren's fork full of food stops midair and he looks up at me in awe making my heart skips a beat.. This brown haired boy in front of me is so handsome and his eyes are so breathtakingly beautiful, that He is making me second guess myself. Maybe I shouldn't consider this at all.

Eren and Armin almost at the same time blurt out "you're going to do it right?"

I fight the urge to roll my eyes at them. Of course, from their point of view, this is an opportunity of a lifetime. But I know the truth. And this isn't an easy decision. I have to choose to be with a man; I can't even say I really like but have an unexplained attraction to or wait for Eren and risk the chance of him never feeling the same. I could continue to protect him on my own or Levi can help me for a price.

"Seriously, Mikasa." Armin continues. "this would be a great opportunity. you are already skilled, to begin with. I'm actually surprised that it took this long for the higher-ups to notice you. Just think of it, if you were to train with Captain Levi it is possible you could become a very valuable asset to the Survey Corp.

"Yeah, Armin is right ,Mikasa you are really good.," Eren adds. "If it were me I wouldn't even think twice."

If the roles were switched would he really?

"I'm seriously thinking about it. I am supposed to meet the corporal tonight to give him my answer."

"What's to think about?" Erin says sounding a little annoyed. He returns his attention back to his food.

"There is a lot to think about, Eren. I snap. "This is a big decision."

"She is right, Eren. It is a big decision but whatever you decide Mikasa you know me and Eren will have your back. Right, Eren?

"Of course, we will. "Armin, really? she shouldn't even have to ask. She should just know."

"I know! I know! Eren, I'm trying to be supportive. Maybe you should try it some time. Really come on, Mikasa always has your back."

Oh great and here comes this bickering.

"Armin, I am supportive." Eren groans. "I just don't think I have to tell her I am every five seconds." He turns to me with a look of seriousness. "Mikasa, I support you. Armin and I will always support your decisions. I am just saying if I were you I would do this no questions asked."

Looking back to Armin with a scowl he says "there better, Armin?"

"Yeah, way better," Armin replies with sarcasm.

I try my hardest to stifle a giggle but fail. these two are so comical sometimes. Arguing sometimes like brothers. I could easily see to some this might get annoying but to me it never gets old. A little tiring maybe but never old. I have grown up with these two, this is normal to me.

I can't help but wonder though If there really knew would they support me? It's highly doubtful but no matter what If I Do this I will do this for them.

I am beyond relieved when Jean and Connie join us and the boys start talking about who is better who has killed more. The usual guy things I'm used to by now. They All but forget about me. And for once I do not mind. I take this blessed moment to excuse myself wanting to get away and spend some much needed quiet time by myself.

it as already late in the evening and I have somehow found myself Sitting on top this hill high above everyone. The green grass is like a vast sea surrounding my small body. I flex my fingers and gather the small blades in my hand lifting them up to let them flying in the wind. I just want to be left alone, I muse to myself. Fall is felt in the air heavy now. A warm breeze with the promise of cold. I breath in deep and draw in this beautiful sight that is laid before me with a heavy heart.the Trees that were days ago full with green leafs are now showing hints of orange, reds and yellow. I frown at the thought of how no matter how much I want it I will never be able to experience this vast world freely without fear. I can never love without loss and I can never sleep without nightmares. This life has caged me and This day has dragged on slowly. Seeming never to end. But is that really a bad thing? I think to myself. I have a choice to make and I'm running out of time. This can change my whole life. It can affect the ones I love. The person I love. This decision can alter me. building me up or tearing me down but what do I have to lose. I am not free, to begin with.

I am not free... Those words repeat in my head as if dawning on me for the first time. I am not free to begin within. I never have been. The people I serve can easily tell me what I can and cannot do. They could even take my life if it so pleases them. With that knowledge in mind. I know now deep down my choice is made. the only way I can keep Eren and Armin safe, to protect the one... No, the ones I love. I must become stronger and to do that I must do whatever it takes. even if that means I have to enthrall and be with A man I do not love because this is all I can do. It is my best option. I don't want to remain this version of me. A pitiful girl who is desperately wanting someone who can't love her. Protecting and saving someone who will always fight it. If I am part of the elite squad, he would have to accept it. saving him will part of my job.

I look down at my hands. I'm shaking. So this is It. It is settle. I have made my choice. I will not be weak. I will be strong and I will do this. I will be Levi's and we will do this together, because we, Levi and I are made the same. we were born with a skill and that skill is killing

I smile a wild smile. Letting out a sort of mad laugh to myself. Standing up I brush the dirt and grass from my pants

I better get going back to my room then. I'll need to clean up. I know by the way Levi had been looking at my room last night that he was not impressed. Wouldn't want to disappoint him.

I reach my hand up and touch my lips where he had kiss me and I wonder if he would expect us to do anything tonight after I tell him my answer. My body flushes with anticipation and nervousness. Probably and honestly I have to admit I am scared but if it feels like anything from the night before I think I will be ok. I'll need to shower and change. I bet I look like shit maybe I'll ask Sasha for that makeover she had mentions days ago, Of course, that would mean I would have to tell her and That's no an option or maybe I could if she swore on her life that she would never say a word disguarding the idea all together. I decide I will just have make do with what I have. And that means I better get going.

I take one more long look at the view in front of me. From where I stand I can see Eren and Armin walking back to their cabin and the heavy feeling in my chest returns.

Eren... He would be happy, right? If I abandoned these feelings I have and became the sister, he loves. That is what he wants, a sister... Nothing else.

If I do this-this it would mean I have finally given into the fact that I will never be with him. A fact that I had always pushed to the back of my mind naively choosing to instead believe that one day it could be a possibility.

I feel tears stinging my eyes and I wipe them furiously away. I have made my choice. I should be happy. This is what will make eren happy. This will help Eren and Armin be safe. Yes, this is the right thing to do. I will not cry. I will give into to being wanted by someone and give up wanting the one I love for Eren and Armin to say alive and safe.

( sorry chapter was short. I have had a terrible case of writer block :(

Ps comments please encouragement goes a long way ;)


	7. Chapter 7

Mature content

Please excuse typos, again I write this on my iPhone so sometimes it auto corrects stupid things. Other than that please enjoy. Remember comments and advice is always welcome.

It is well after midnight when I finally hear a quiet knock on my door. I had almost given up on the idea that he would actually show. I had waited for hours. Arriving at my room a little after 7 pm. immediately setting out to vanquish any speck of dirt that I could see thinking that he would show up sooner rather than later but as the minutes turned into hours I had finally allowed myself to relax thinking to myself that he probably wouldn't show up. He could be busy caught up with work. The quiet knock that startles me and sends my hearts racing tells me otherwise. I had been wrong to start to think he wouldn't show. he wouldn't miss a chance to make me squirm. I walk slowly to try to calm myself before I open the door taking several deep breaths and letting them out. one more quick glance at my mirror on my wall to check my appearance and I can scarcely recognize myself. my eyes are big and scared and I am pale, very pale the lack of color to my face makes the red lipstick I applied really pop. I'm wearing my white uniform shirt and a black skirt. I hadn't wanted to appear too eager or that I was dressing up for him.so after serval minutes of going through my very limited outfits I had final chose this one outfit because weeks earlier when I had worn this outfit to a very small group get together Sasha had said it was very casual sexy. Whatever that meant. I had no clue. I'm not very good at too many girly things like clothes and such but if Sasha says it's casual sexy I believe her.

I reach out for the cold door knob and after a second of hesitation, I take one more calming breath and open the door. Instantly my mouth goes dry because before Me is Captain Levi looking far too good leaning against my porch railing. a few of his dark locks of hair dip in I front of his beautiful grey... blue eyes ? I hadn't even noticed till now that he had the slightest hint of blues in his grey eyes. his deceptively strong but soft lips are turned down into a relaxed sexy line. He looks so in control of himself and sure. He is wearing a light gray dress shirt and a plain pair of black slacks.

I can't help but wonder how good he would look with out his clothes. Oh god Mikasa stop it I berate myself gain some self-control.

I feel an instant warmth spread through my body. Making me feel giddy and want to smile. I barely manage to stop myself from letting a silly grin spread across my face.

His eyes meet mine and I'm reminding of the look in his eyes when he ground his erection against me. I want to see that look in his eyes again... god what is wrong with me.

His harsh voice shakes me out of my evasive naughty thoughts.

"Are you going to sit there and continue to eye fuck me or you Going to let me in? because I must tell you, Mikasa, if you are going choose the first option you will have to buy me a drink first."

He pushes past me and I am left mouth a gap trying to process what he had said and that he just walked straight into my room.

My previous feelings of awe and attraction have dissipated. It doesn't matter how well he looks, he's still a dick, I remind myself.

I close the door behind me. What is up his ass?despite what I was feeling a little bit ago I can now feel and undeniable anger rising up.

He is walking around my room as if he owns it touching my things ,my pictures. I watch as he picks up on of my favorite photos, it is a picture me and Eren during our training days. Shaking his head, he puts it down and turns to me.

"I see you have cleaned up. I'm actually impressed. from what I had seen last night I wasn't sure you knew how to clean. "

I can feel my Eye twitch, Ok. He is really on a roll tonight. At this rate, I'm going to lose this battle of trying to control the anger rising up inside me.

He walks toward me. Stop mere inches from me. we stand face to face. And my breath catches when He reaches out his hand and runs his fingers up my arm and to face

"Well doesn't someone look good tonight?" He mummers.

Wait...what? A compliment.

"You would look ever. Better if it wasn't for this shit."his fingers grasp my chin and he runs his thumb hard over first my top,them bottom lip.

Of course a backhanded compliment. Sigh, I think that just about does it. I tried lord knows I've tried but it didn't ever take him five minutes for him to piss me off. I don't think I can stop it anymore. My lips sting from the harsh contact of his fingers.

"There. "he says letting his hand fall, his thumb now stain red.

"Have you thought of what I said? "

Keep it together ,Mikasa keep it together. I repeat to myself over and over you are doing this for Eren and Armin.

"Yes I have."

"And...?"

I can hardly believe my ears. Was that a tone of annoyance or impatience in his voice?

I can not stop the words from coming out of my mouth.

"Well, sir, I want to know why I should choose you?"

Crap I'm losing it. I can't conceal the contempt that is leaking into my words.

"Excuse me?" Levi's voice low and full of warning.

God your excused! I laugh in my head. Ok, I've lost it. He has made me mad. I want to make him mad. I'll hit him where it hurts

"Why should I choose you over Eren? On one hand yeah your hot but your also fucking crazy." I snap at him letting loose a surprising cold laugh.

My laugh dies in my throat though,as an intense pain shoots through my body. What the hell is going on, I can't breathe it takes me awhile to fully realize he has shoved me hard against the wall knocking the air out of me. I gasp trying to regain my senses.

"You will watch your fucking mouth."He is shaking with anger.

But I could care less. Like hell I will watch my mouth. He will pay for this. His hands are on my shoulders keeping me against the wall but my legs are free and with a quick jerk up ward I knee him in the gut.

Causing him to double over in pain

Fuck him! I am leaving he can take his offer and shove it up his ass. I will find another way to protect the ones I love. I move to go around him. I need my jacket then I'll leave but before I reach my jacket his hand reaches out and grabs my leg tripping me. I hit the floor hard hurting my hand as I brace my fall. I can hear him get up and before I can react he flips me onto my back and straddles me.

He's got a wild look in his eyes and his is breathing is erratic.

"You ballsy bitch. You actually got me good. " He laughs.

I struggle against him as he pins my hands down above my head.

"Let go of me!!!"

"No! You will listen to me!I will tell you why you are going to pick me over your precious fucking Eren!"he sneers rubbing the side of my face with his. Working his way down to my neck he grazes my skin with his teeth causing my body to jerk beneath him.

"You will choose me because. .."He pauses to bite my ear and I am shocked as my body reacts to him with a shiver.

"Because you like this. "He shifts to hold both my hands in his left hand, his right-hand grips the front of my shirt and rips it open sending buttons flying across the room.

His hand feels scalding hot as he slides it under my bra ,cupping my breast causing me to cry out.

"You can't deny it. When my body is over yours. You can feel the compatibility. You like the way I make you feel. admit it,Mikasa. you like this."

His lips meet mine ,hard and I let his tongue into my mouth to explore and coax my mine with wet licks.

Oh god, he is right I do. No matter how much I hate him or how mad he makes me. when he kisses me or touches me I'm all but useless my strength leaves me. I want so bad to fight him to prove him wrong but I can't because I do want this.

Breaking our kiss he brings my lower lip between his teeth giving it a small tug before letting go.

I let out a small whimper.

God I'm pathetic

"See you want this."He smiles

"Now be a good girl and Say it. "he demands as he plants hot kisses down my neck to my chest.

"Say it or I will stop."

I am all but panting now.

He will stop. This is what I wanted, right? I should want him to stop. That would be the right thing to do to stop this,not let this go any further ? but I like this wrong... I admit in defeat to myself. This wrong feels so right.

"Please don't stop. "I whisper nearly audible.

"Louder!"he demands

Please don't stop!

"Dirty little bitch, well if you say so."

His kisses become more demanding after that, scattering my thoughts. Between his sensuous slow kisses to my mouths he begins to undress me further levi let's lose my hands but instead of using my newly freed hands to get away from him. I find myself arching my back to help him slip off the remainder of my shirt. My arms up for him can slip my bra over my head

And lifting my hips so he can slip off my underwear and black skirt. I am naked before him and I couldn't care less.

He takes off his shirt and he's magnificent. I study every inch of his body. I had never notice before how cut he is. wanting to see the rest of him I reach my fingers to the button of his pants. I'm all fingers and thumbs struggling to unbutton them. he laughs and brushes my hand away doing it home self my eyes widen as he slips them off and I finally get a glimpse of his erection. I had the pleasure of feeling his dick through his pants but never did I think it would be this big.

I swallow hard. He wants to put that inside me. The thought is scary but it also makes me very wet. I had heard stories though that losing my Virginity would hurt. Can I ask him to gentle? Will he listen to me? I have to try.

"Captain,Please, I've never. " I beg him

I know" he assures me. don't worry about it. "

"I heard it will hurt."

His eyes soften at my words. "I will do my best to not hurt you. "He says as he moves to lift me from the floor. I wrap my arms around his neck and he moves us to my bed.

Laying me down on my back. My black hair splayed out my nipple taught and hard from the cool air he lays next to me one of his strong arm propping up his head. His other hand cupping my sex possessively massaging me there.

"I'm going to touch you inside make you ready for me. "he looks down at me looking for my acknowledgment

I nod not knowing what to say just enjoying this sensation

His skilled fingers begin to caress and tease me,making me throw my head back and moan low.

Ahh god this feels too good

When I am all but soaking he moves one of his fingers to my opening giving me a questioning look. I nod again and he begins to slowly insert his finger to his first knuckle

This is my first time being penetrated.

"Do you like this?"

"Yes!" I pant.

"Deeper? "

I answer by spreading my legs farther apart and he began to slide his finger deep inside me. When he begins to move I gasp oh this pleasure is sinful. I want more

He moves his finger in and out eventually adding one more finger inside me while he rubbed my sedative nub with his thumb.

I have never felt anything this good my eyes grow heavy and my breath is shallow and fast

When he started thrusting his fingers harder inside me. I moan louder and arch my back lifting my breast and hard nipples toward him. I watch memories as he takes one in his mouth sucking hard.

"Captain!"I call out in ecstasy.

My lips find his and Levi kisses me over and over catching my every moan .

I find myself lifting my hips now moving to meet his every thrust of his hand I can feel pressure building inside me And my body begins to quiver.

"You're ready." he say his voice hoarse

Pulling his fingers away, he moves to position himself between my legs.

I reach for him want to be close to him wanting to feel that glorious pleasure I was just robbed of but the look he gives me makes me instead grasp my blanket into my hands. His erection in hand he aims it downward and I begin to feel pressure as he slowly fills me a nagging pinching pain radiates through my body and I wince, it hurts my eyes start to water.

"Damn."he grates through clenched teeth "you're so tight. Bring your knees up around my waist."

I don't understand but I listen to him.

"This will be quick."

What?? What will be quick ?Agh! God

I feel a sharp pinching feeling than a sense of being full beyond my limit.

My eyes water and I feel like I want to cry. I am so tight around him. I can feel his dick pulse

Levi holds still waiting for me to adjust. his jaw clenched and muscles tight. He draws back slowly and thrust. The pain is still there but there is also a pleasure.

Another thrust but harder and, this time, the pleasure is undeniable, all the pain gone. My hands fly up to his shoulder digging my nails into him

"I- I love that."

Not needing to hold back anymore he begins to move faster and harder and so do I meeting his every move over and over.

God, this is so wrong and so hot.

My eyes closed I enjoy feeling every inch of him. I feel his muscles ripple under my hands as he rocks over me. His mouth sucks and kisses my nipples.

I'm panting ,begging for more.

Crying for him to go harder

And he does what I ask thrusting and grounding his hips against me.

I can feel the pressure building again. It's going to happen.

"Oh god, Just like that ,keep going."my breath catches in my throat.

A couple more hard thrusts and I lose all control throwing my head forward and biting his shoulder to muffle my cries as I cum with a rush of wetness over his shaft spasming so strong I'm afraid it will never end I can feel myself tightening around him.

He finds his release shortly after me.

Still thrusting hard until he stiffens readying to cum then pulling out of me he begins to pump a fountain hot seed onto my belly

Breathing heavily he reaches over and before I can protest he rips the cover off one of my pillows using the material to wipe his hot mess off me. Balling it up and tossing the dirty cloth in the corner of my room.

I am dazed my body heavily stated. I just want to sleep. He gently moves me to lay me more comfortable on the bed pulling my blanket over me. I am barely awake as I watch him stride over to turn the lights only to returning shortly after. he slides into the bed next to me and puts his arm around me and pulling me close for I can lay my head on his chest.i do not fight him. I'm almost asleep when I hear his voice

"Mikasa?"

"Hmmm? "Is all I can manage.

" become mine"Levi say before he kisses the top my head.

I smile lazily. I am on the verge of passing out.there is things i want to say but my mouth won't cooperate with me. I am losing consciousness. I snuggle up close to Levi and whisper "ok" then drift to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

(Excuse typo's and such. ) 

Soft lips brush against my temple, leaving tender kisses on my face and I want to respond, but I also want to remain asleep as well.

"Wake up. "Levi's voice is soft in my ear 

"No." I moan 

"You have to. We have training to do; I want to up and out the door before the other scouts wake up." 

I open my eyes begrudgingly and look at my clock. The time reads 4:00 am. I let out an exasperated sigh. 

"It's too early. "I groan hugging the blanket closer to my naked body and bury my face into my soft pillow. Levi wraps his warm arms around me, nuzzling his face in my hair 

"Come on slacker, it's time to get up." he says planting kisses on my neck. 

There he goes calling me a slacker again. If I was fully awake I would roll my eyes at his remark. 

"I brought you a cup of water and some pills to to help with your pain. I left it on your side table. I'm going to take a shower, and when I get out I expect you to be up." he says warningly against my neck. kissing me one more time before he leaves the bed. I squint my eyes against the small but bright annoying light that is on and watch him make his way to my bathroom pausing for a moment this usually emotionless man flashes me a staggering devilish smile that takes my breath away, I don't know if I'll ever get use to his smiles or laughter they always seem to catch me off guard. They are unlike him. His behaving now is very unlike him. A wave of unease spreads through me. Why is he being so nice. The Levi every one knows is a brash man who is verbally abusive and passive. So why is it he is being playful and smiling? Could sex really change some one this much? 

"Care to join me?" Levi says,looking over his shoulder into the bathroom.

I am not going to lie to myself I almost tempted to say yes. My body reacts to the sight of him leaning against the bathroom door frame stark naked. His every tantalizing muscle perfectly placed calls out for me to touch him as I had the night before . 

"Mikasa, if you keep looking at me that way I will drag you in this shower with me whether you like it or not."

His voice is stern and His words shock me. I hadn't realized I had been looking at him in any way.quickly I avert my eyes to look at the floor. 

"I-I'm sorry, sir." my words come out in an embarrassed mumble. 

"Seriously, drop the sir nonsense, it is just us."

With that he turns and enters the bathroom, closing the door behind him.my heart is racing. And I try to steady it's pace by taking deep breathes in and out. After a few minutes of this I finally hear the water turn on and allow myself to try to relax he will not be out for a bit there is no need to be nervous or on edge. 

A few minutes pass before I fid the strength pull myself up to sit on my bed.my body feels deliously sore but My heart weighs heavy in my chest as I try to wrap my mind around what has happened. I slept with our captian. I let those words settle in my head. 

I had always imagined I would lose my Virginity to Eren ,no one else. Not even in my wildest dream would I have thought I would instead lose it to our older commanding officer. And of course, not in the way it happened last night. Granted Levi was gentle with me. He took his time to make sure I was ready. Surprising me yet again how nice he could be, switching in an instant from mad to loving in the blink of an eye. But again the question arises in my head was why was he being so loving and caring why was he interested in me? Could he possible really want me to be his?I had told myself I was doing this for Eren and Armin I knew when I made my choice this would happen but I had never imagine it happening the way it did or so soon but now that it had happened I was hating myself for wanting it to happen again. 

I put my head in my hands gripping my hair in between my small fingers, and pull my hair hair in frustration. 

"What am I doing?" I ask myself in agony. This whole situation is all so confusing and frustrating he isn't Eren, but he wants me.or so he says he does and if it is true that Levi wants me to be his. I had a sinking feeling I wanted it as well. When we fought last night, the pull was there. The electricity, the compatibility as he said I had felt it so strong. Even at this moment, I should be mad at him for hurting me last night, but instead, my body is regretting not being in that Damn shower with him now.

I let My eyes fall on the bathroom door with longing, and I sigh. I shouldn't be thinking these things. You need to get yourself together mikasa I plead with myself. 

Ten minutes have already passed, and I need to get up. I don't want to risk him being mad at me. He is in a very unnerving good mood right now. 

He had said we would be training today. Most likely with the 3d maneuvering gear, so I pull on my uniform and buckle the straps tight. After picking up the mess of buttons and clothes up off my floor, I find the water and pain pills Levi had set out for me. My hand is sore from bracing my fall last night these little white pills should help a lot,Tossing both small white pills into my mouth, I wash them down with a long drink of water. 

As I start on making my bed. Levi emerges from the bathroom, fresh and clean. He Smells of Lavender and roses, my favorite soap. I find myself smiling on the inside that he has my scent on him. If I am to be his, then he is mine. The smell of my soap on him cements that. 

"You cleaned up, I'm impressed, Ackerman. It's not the best, but it will suffice for now." Levi says as he dries his dark hair with a towel. 

I roll my eyes. Backhanded compliments seem to be his specialty. Instead of getting mad, though, I realize this is my chance to throw his earlier words back at him. I try to keep my face emotionless as I repeat what he had said to me not even 15 minutes ago . 

"Seriously Drop the Ackerman nonsense, it's just us." 

My words cause Levi to laugh, giving me a look of amusement.

Warmth instantly spreads through my body, making me feel giddy. I'm beginning to think that sound is one of the best I've ever heard. And even more so that I have caused it. 

"Imitation is the strongest form of flattery, Mikasa and I will warn you flattery will get you nowhere with me." 

No, I suppose it won't, I frown, but it seems, me arguing or defy him will. I store that fact in my head for later

"I put your clothes on the couch, "I say as I make my way past him to the bathroom. Determined to not let him see me ogle his body as he sheds the towel around his waist and put his clothes on. I turn the water on in the sink and Quickly brushing my teeth and washing my face before staring at my reflection in the mirror. I don't look different, but I feel different. Sore, but relaxed like all my tension is gone. My black hair is a mess. Just fucked hair is not my look, so I wet my hands and try my best to tame the unruly beast atop my head. 

"Are you almost done? We have to go." Levi calls out from my room impatiently.

"Yeah, just give me a minute."I call out feeling a little frustrated with the lack of progress with my hair and his pushiness. He was in her for 15 minutes! I just got in here.

Trying one more attempt to manage my hair. I finally give up with a huff of annoyance. . Deciding this will have to do for now. 

Again I find myself asking what is that I am doing ?con I really do this? 

My tired gray eyes stare back at me in the mirror, I feel like they are judging me for what I've done. Trying to make me feel sorry for giving away something that should have belonged to the man I love. That should have belong to eren . Unconsciously I find My fists clenching the sink before me, I can feel a clear defiance rising up inside me. I won't let this guilt consume me. I don't care if it wasn't Eren. Eren didn't want me. I had heard him say so. Levi did, and besides it had felt good being wanted for once by somebody. I will not apologize for that. Plus if I become Levi's he told me he would help protect eren. I had told myself that I wanted to be a good sister many times and this was my chance. With the help of this stubborn man who wants me I could save eren I can protect him and be protected. No I don't love Levi, but I did have a strong attraction towards him and he was not all that bad. We could learn to get along.right? Or I could at least fake getting alone if it meant eren and armin were safe. 

"Seriously, what are you doing? Taking a shit?"

Or maybe not... I can feel my eyes brow twitch at his vulgar question. The captain really does have a weird sense of homur. It's not one of his best qualities but I'll learn to live with it. 

"Ha! You are so funny, Levi," I say as I storm out of the bathroom. 

Honestly, how can this respected captain be so immature sometimes?

Tilting his head to one side, he looks at me replying. 

"Yeah, I know, thank you." 

Ugh, he's frustrating! I snatch my boots from off the floor by my dresser and sit down at the edge or my bed. 

"It wasn't a compliment; it's called sarcasm!" I huff as I jam one foot, and then the other in my standard issued boots.

"You are cute when you're sarcastic." Levi teases.

"Flattery will get you nowhere Levi."

I fight back the urge to laugh. I'm enjoying this playful banter. No one talks to me like this. Matching my smart mouth remarks with such ease without getting butt hurt like Eren sometimes does. 

"Mouthy today aren't you?" Levi asks as he offers his hand to help me to my feet. 

"Maybe."I reply putting my hand in his, He pulls me up leaving us face to face. His eyes are staring into mine, the vast blue, marred by black speaks in their one unique way are just as breathtaking as Erin's green/ blue emerald orbs.my breaths shallows and I feel like I'm being drawn in. 

"Well, I can think of better uses for your smart mouth, but seeing as we are short on time. I will settle for this," he says before he leans in and brushes his lips against mine. Feeling a sudden surge of boldness I grip his shirt in my fist and pull him closer to deepen our kiss. Relishing the taste of his tongue dancing with mine, with slow, sure flicks that leave me dazed. 

Gently he coaxes my hand to release his skirt before breaking out kiss. 

"I like that you seem a little more assertive but I can't have you wrinkling my shirt, even more than you already have with your shoddy folding job.

"You really are a dick, Levi. You know that?" I pull away from him and retrieve my jacket and scarf from where they hang on the wall.

"And you really know how to point out the obvious. So it would seem we are a perfect match, then; don't you think?"

I shake my head in disbelief. He is a breed all his own, Mind numbingly frustrating and aggravatingly sexy at the same time.

"Before we leave Mikasa I need to make this clear." His face is serious once again." You can call me Levi when we are alone but in front of people I expect you to address me with the same respect as everyone else. That includes calling me captain, sir or corporal the choice is yours I will treat you like every one else. The will be no special treatment in fact I may be even harder in you as to not arise suspicion, I cannot have people thinking I have gone soft on you." 

"So in short no special treatment just because we had had sex?". 

"Yes, exactly,I will not go easily on you. "

"But you have gone soft on me,haven't you Captain?" I ask as I shrug on my jacket and wrap my scarf twice around my neck before knotting it efficiently.

"Maybe a little, but Not where it counts." he says with a suggestive wink. 

When Levi reaches the door handle, he hesitates, casting a questioning look my way. 

"Are you ready? "He asks.

I cannot tell, if is my imagination or not, but I could almost swear there was a hint of concern in his voice.

"Yes, sir." 

"Then let's do this." 

As soon as we step out the door the cold morning air surrounds us, making me instantly miss the warm shelter of my room. Fall has set in fast it hadn't been but mere days ago that it had been blistering and unbearable hot. I pull my jacket closer to my body and tuck my face into scarf hoping for at least a small bit of a reprieve from this cold. 

Levi leads the way as we walk quietly toward the armory on the opposite side of the campus to retrieve our gear. It is a clear night the stars are an enormous mass of twinkling specks above us. The light of the full moon guides our way and cast, and eerie glow over the darkened building. Levi has been quiet since we have left. I sneak a look at him, and he looks to be deep in thought. I wonder what he is thinking. I want so bad, to ask him, but I know he's not the type to share. I should just enjoy the fact that he is not in a bad mood. In fact, he has been very kind this morning, despite the immature comments and a couple of backhanded compliments that is.

My stomach growls, reminding me that I am hungry; I haven't eaten hardly anything the last couple days and last night's activities have left me famished.i slow my pace feeling shy. I want to invite him to eat with me. I am annoyed by how much of a girl I am acting right now just because I slept with him. I feel all self conscious and shy. I have never in my life experienced this not even with eren. I slowly come to a complete stop. And gather courage that I know I should have but for some reason has left me. 

"Levi, ummm ... I stammer will you... Will you be eating breakfast with me?" I ask hesitantly while I stir the dirt on the ground with the toe of my boot I cast my haze on a bush near by not wanting to look at him directly. 

My question causes Levi to stop walking. 

"Honestly, I hadn't even thought of eating before we head out. I'm not much of a breakfast person, but I guess I should probably make sure you eat. It would be negligent on my part to make you train on an empty stomach." He sighs heavily. "I will not eat with you, though, but I will walk you to the dining hall as long as we do this quick. I do not want anyone seeing us this early together. It would raise questions.its on thing for us to walk to the armory together but for me to walk you to breakfast is a different story. 

I instantly feel saddened by this news that Levi won't be joining me but also infuriatingly mad at myself for acting like this. I need to get ahold of myself. Thankfully, I have my scarf and the darkness of the night, to help hide my look of disappointment and self loathing from Levi's unnatural perceptive eyes.

"Come," Levi says, reaching for my hand. Embarrassingly Eager I accept his warm hand in my cold, shaky one. This contact feels like a small consolation prize. He is, at least, walking me to breakfast, and I am surprised he is risking holding my hand in public. Although it is dark, there is still a very real possibility someone could see us. 

"What will we be doing today?"I ask Levi as he lead me slowly to our new destination. 

" I was thinking we would go over some 3dmenuverinh drills in the woods south from here. It one of the place I usually train at. It's a good quite place to train that not to many people go to and has a descent amount of privacy for we don't have to worry about people bothering us."

Why would we need privacy if we are just going be training. It sounds like he's just making an excuse for us to go some where no one can find us . I try to suppress a giggle and fail miserably. 

"Tch what's so funny, Ackerman?"

"nothing"

"Really? " he presses. 

"Maybe " I reply quietly. 

He snakes his fingers between mine and gives my hand a firm squeeze as if to say tell me. 

I shake my head and squeeze back as hard as I can. 

Levi laughs "awe how cute you think that hurts?"

Feeling prompted by his teasing I dig my nails into his skin,first softly then when he gives me a look of amusement I dig in harder causing him to curse and finally admit defeat. 

"Ok ok you win"

I relax my hand and let it be cradle with his

"Good"

"Bitch" Levi scoffs under his breath 

"Dick!"I counter back. 

I like this playful side of him it's so different from how I thought he was not only a week ago. 

We round the corner and the dining hall comes to view. I am disappointed that Our walk here is short lived. I was enjoying our playfulness . We arrived within what felt mere minutes of walking, stopping by the privacy of a tall oak tree that towers over the wooden building. 

"You will gather your gear and find me when you have finished eating. I will be at my office. "Levi says, removing his hand from mine.

"Yes, sir."

I watch with curious eyes as Levi looks left, then right before turning his attention back to me. His eyes darken and my stomach clenches, l know that look. I have become very acquainted with it the past couple days. It is the look that is usually followed by inexplicable pleasure, but he wouldn't do anything here in public would he? 

Nervously, I bite my lip. Levi begins to close in on me, causing me to back up against the tree behind us 

"Kiss me," Levi says.

His words are more of an order than a request.

"Captain!" I gasp.

"That is an Order, Ackerman! You can do it willingly, or I will take it by force. Either way, it doesn't matter, but you need to make the choice now."

I know then that There must be something wrong with me because the idea of him forcing me to kiss him is kind of hot. I want to provoke him. Like I had the night before. 

"Make me."

"Always with the defiance. "He seems annoyed. Making me question my choice. "Fine have it your way. But I warn you, you're not Going like it. "

How could I not like it? What does he mean? 

I am honestly shocked when Levi pushes me back with a hard shove against the rough bark of the tree and leans in to press his body against mine. His mouth hovers over mine. But he doesn't move to kiss me. Leaving me in impatient anticipation. Instead, his hand moves its way slowly down my body and to my crouch, my eyes open wide. I am appalled. what is he doing? I thought he said he was going to kiss me? He wouldn't ? Not here? Would he ? 

Ahhh.my mind go blank and I can't believe I let a moan escape my lips. 

When he begins to rub my sex through my pants, this forbidden contact Sends lustful feelings through my body. 

"Levi, don't!" I push against him, but he doesn't budge. 

"I gave you a choice. You chose this."his breath is on my skin and I can feel my control slipping. 

" you said you wanted to kiss me I never chose this! I try again to push him off me but my strength has left me just like it had the night before. 

"Relax it will be okay."He tries to reassure me.

The combination of the hot kisses Levi is ghosting over my skin and his voice so full of desire almost overwhelms me. Making me want to give in to his stimulating touch.

"What if someone finds us?" my voice is now panicked, but on the verge of a letting out a passionate moan.

"Are you forgetting who you are talking to?" He kisses the cornering my mouth. " I won't let anyone sneak up on us." 

He Is such an arrogant ass.

"Trust me." his breaths, before planting a kiss to the sensitive skin at the base of my neck. 

"I'm trying" I pant in a breathy whisper

He's good at this.i squeeze my eye close and let go of my restrain giving in to His skilled fingers that know just where to press.

" Mmmm" I hum softly.

"that's a good girl." 

Already I sense that am wet. I, feeling slightly disgusted that I am seriously like this. It takes everything I have for me to hold back my moans.i weave my fingers through Levi's hair and pull his face to mine kissing him and letting my moans go softly in his mouth. When Levi increases the pace of his palm rubbing against me through the rough material of my pants. My knees begin to feel weak and shaky. I drape my arms around his shoulders for support as I press against his hand trying to find a quick release to the pressure that is building too fast. 

"Levi!"my voice is a strained cry followed by harsh, choppy breaths of air.when I pull away from out kiss. 

"I'm close." I whimper as quietly as I can.

Not even a second after the words leave my mouth Levi does the unthinkable. He pulls away, leaving me dazed and confused. My hands on my knees. I bend over trying to comprehend what is going on. Why did he stop? 

I look to him for an answer to my unspoken question. He doesn't have to answer for me to realize finally that this is what he meant when he said I wouldn't like it. 

I'm stunned. Left shaking and wanting my release

" Really, Levi!?" My voice filled with disbelief and irritation.

His eyes are cold and his face smug when he meets my eyes looking down at me.

"Don't you mean captain or sir?Ackerman.Maybe next time you will make the right choice. Instead of defying me," he states matter of factly.

The sound of distant voices approaching brings me back to my senses. I need to compose myself. Levi offers his hand to help me straighten up. But I smack it is away, ignoring him all together. I do not believe I have ever been this mad at anyone in my life. I need to get away from him before I do something I regret. . 

"Fuck you!" I say vehemently, pushing past him to open the wooden door that will soon help me get the hell away from him. 

"You Already did" He calls after me as the door closes.


	9. Chapter 9

excuse typos and comment please

The narrow wooden hallway to the dining area is dark and dimly lit, providing the perfect cover for me to try to retrieve my senses, and calm the anger that has racked my body. I swear if it is the last thing I do, I will get Levi for this, and just when I had begun to think he wasn't all that bad. He has to go and do this to me. I can feel My body shaking. I need to get ahold of myself; I feel like a steaming pot of sexual tension right now. No matter how many deep breaths I take, I can't seem to get ahold of myself. 

I reach the main room of the dining hall, a vast dark building with little Décor, packed with over 40 Wooden tables, all that seat six or more people at a time. In the middle of the room is a serving station, a wheeled metal cart that is brought in every meal time by a Middle Aged man from the kitchen staff, who happens to be most times than not dozed off in a chair nearby. Not wanting to wake the man up I quietly grab glass bowl and scoops one spoonful on watery and bland oatmeal into it. Wanting to be hidden I decide to settle into a seat that is tucked away in the farthest corner of the building. 

I stir my oatmeal with a spoon trying to work up the courage to eat this slop they are trying to pass as edible, and when I can't seem to force a spoonful in my mouth, I instead lay my head in my hands. I am tired already and they day has nearly begun. To make things worse I still have a full day of training to do on top of having to deal with these feelings I never have in my life felt before, it's frustrating that Being relatively new to this whole sex thing. I have no clue how to cope or deal with the needs Levi has awaken inside of me. I find myself most definitely wishing now more than anything that I had more experience in this department because if I did, I would be able to get him back for this in the same agonizing way. Maybe I should have gotten some experience with Jean before getting involved with someone like Captain Levi. Without a doubt, Levi had the upper hand when it came to many things. Rank, age, fighting, ability, and sexual experience. So how could I find a way to get back at him, I can't ask Sasha for advice or anyone else, and the only thing that seemed to be a sore spot for him is Eren. I had found that out last night very quickly by the way he reacted when I had mocked him asking him why I would pick him over Eren. It was a clear give away that, that was the only weakness I had to use against him but even now as mad as I am I know I could never do that to him, it would feel like a very low blow. Could I maybe just do the same to him bring him to the edge them leave him hanging? I shake my head. he would probably overpower me again, and for all, I know with the way things seem to be going in every one of our sexual encounters, I would probably like that. Something has to be wrong with me I can't think of any other reason I would like what he does to me. 

I sit quietly musing about how to get back at Levi when I catch a glimpse of my favorite brown hair boy, groggily making his way toward me. I drop my current thoughts of Levi and what I can and cannot do about him and Focus instead on acting as calm as I can before the person I love the most in this world gets to me. My heart is pounding in My chest, but I smile at Eren as if everything is fine. 

"You're up early," Eren mumbles sleepily taking the seat next to me.

Erens clothes are slightly disheveled, and his brown hair still tousled from his sleep, his tired emerald green eyes are looking at the mushy heap of oatmeal piled into the green glass bowl with disgust

Affection for this boy wells up inside me but so does pain. I am so in love with the person next to me that it is overwhelming how much it hurts, knowing that I am letting this love go.

I swallow hard and will the pain to go away, push this down, act normal. This does hurt. This choice is what's best for both of us.

"I could say the same to you too, Eren. Since when do you ever show up to breakfast before five am?"

"It is Not by choice." Eren snaps. "Hanji wants to run some more test on me. She said that she wanted me to see her at five thirty. I can't just tell her no, now can I?" 

The ever so familiar wave of Concern for him rises inside me. Making me immediately mad at Hanji for working him so hard. I know not to nag at Eren about this, but I can help it. I can't hold my concern back.

"Do you want me to talk to her?" I ask Eren. "it's serious bull shit that's she is this hard on you. "

"No, it's okay I can handle this." 

"I'm serious, if you are tired, you need to tell her. You can't keep going on like this. You need your rest."

"I said It's okay, Mikasa jeez just drop it." his words are forced through his gritted teeth. 

"But Eren I..."

"No! I don't want to hear any more." Eren abruptly slams his spoon down into his bowl, making the glass clink so loud that I think the glass may break, causing me to wince. "God Mikasa, I can take care of myself. I know my limit!"

I can feel the sting of angry tears wanted to swell up in my eyes. Great Eren is mad at me again. Can't say I'm surprised though this always happens when I voice my concerns for him. I put my spoon down and push my food away. My sudden sadness brought on by Erens angry outburst at me has dampened my appetite. I cannot figure out why he always gets so mad at me. I'm just worried for him. He pushes himself too hard. I don't want him to get injured. I couldn't stand for him to get hurt or worse, just because of his pride. 

He closes his eyes and breathes in deep, rubbing his tired green eyes. I expect some more harsh word toward myself for worrying too much, but much to my surprise, Eren's tone has changed his voice softer now as he says to me "I don't want to fight with you, Mikasa. I feel like I haven't been able to spend much time with you lately. Can we just have a pleasant meal with each other without fighting for once?"

I nod my head, not trusting my voice not to crack if I muster a response. 

I do just want to be able to be near him without us fighting. The whole reason I'm doing any of this is for him. All I have ever wanted was just to be near him. The fact that he too just wants us not to fight helps the sadness I was feeling and elevates my mood a tiny bit. 

"Thank you," Eren says letting a sexy sleepy smile spread a crossed his face. My heart constricts. Push it back, Mikasa. You can't love him like this anymore. You are Levi's now. I say these things to myself over and over again as if the more I say these words to myself, they will somehow make how I feel for Eren disappear. I reach over to my bowl and scoop a spoonful of oatmeal in my mouth. 

"So how did your talk with the captain go last night?"

Eren's question is an innocent one but the guilt of what happened last night hits me full force causing my body to Flush and get clammy. I almost choke on my mouthful of food. Clearing my throat, I Tucking my face into my scarf and I fight for some composer. Answering as calmly as I can 

"I went well "my answer is short. 

Eyebrow raised at me Eren presses "That's all, just it went well?"

I try to avoid his look and carefully think up a small lie" Yeah he showed up pretty late last night. I didn't want to keep him because he seemed busy, so I just told him that I would take him up on his offer and He said to meet him after breakfast today at his office."

I'm horrible at lying. I feel like Eren can see right through me. He is looking at me, but I can't seem to bring myself to make eye contact. I keep my gaze locked on my hands. I pick at my fingernails. Holding my breath, willing him to believe me. 

When his hand covers mine, and I almost jump. 

"Mikasa, are you ok?" 

concern for me is evident in erens voice.

"Yeah, just nervous. It's a little intimidating, the thought of working with the captain. But I'll be fine "I try my hardest to make my voice sound natural despite the fact that it feels like I'm choking on the panic rising inside me.

The muscles of erens face relax, and the smile that I love so much returns to his face. "If you want, I can walk with you to the captain's office on my way to see Hanji. "Eren offers. 

"You don't have to Eren if you don't want to. I'll be okay." I'm lying again. I want to be with Eren longer. I want him to walk with me to Levi's office. His hand over mine is searing hot and making the ache between my legs come to life again. 

"No, I want to "he insists squeezing my hand under his. My heart skips. I don't want Eren to let my hand go, but he needs to. This contact is innocent, but it is making me question myself again. 

I'm his sister. I will be a good sister to him. I repeat this in my head reminding myself that this is why I am going to be Levi's to be a good sister to Eren and protect him. 

"Ok." force a smile at him even though it feels like I'm dying inside. I am the image of the perfect facade, smiling as if this isn't the beginning of letting this love go." but please eat some more before we leave Eren you need your strength to keep up with Hanji."

"Only if you do. You need to be able to keep up with the captain." 

He has no idea how true those words are. The only reason I am forcing these revolting spoonfuls of oatmeal in my mouth is that I know I will need the strength to deal with Levi today. 

Eren releases my hand from his grip and returns his attention back to his food. And I let myself breath. My heart is beating so hard right now. I have a feeling already that today is going to be a long one.

Commander Erwin sits before me at his great mahogany desk, in his spacious office. Where the walls are lined end to end with large bookcases, each one carrying the weight of hundreds of books. Erwin's collection of books is vast and impressive, but I can't lie, it bugs me to no end every time I walk in here and see dust gathering on every book and shelf. If given one day I could have this office sparkling; I have to remind myself though that the cleanliness of this office is none of my concern Also seeing the piles of paperwork and books scatter about the room says that even if I did put in the effort to clean his office. I'm sure the commander would have it cluttered up and dusty in no time. 

The strong older man before me has his attention on one of the stacks of paper before him, as I wait impatiently for his attention to turn to me. It is early, and I want to get this meeting out of the way. 

"I hadn't expected to see you so soon Levi. "Erwin doesn't even look up from his paperwork to acknowledge me. "Is it safe for me to assume that you have accomplished your task already?"

"Yes, it would seem so, sir. Ackerman appears to have taken the bait and will be now training under me. " 

"That's great "A satisfied and relieved smile spreads across the older man's face, and I find myself amazed that The respected superior before me was worried that Mikasa would ruin Eren's progress and his plans. I wait for the commander to say more, and when he doesn't, I safely assume that our conversation is over. I'm eager to get out of here and back to my new assignment, "training " Mikasa. I had Left her with a reminder of me, but she is still going to be with Eren, and that for some reason bugs the shit out of me. 

"Good, Levi you may go then. I'm sure you will be very busy from now on."

"Yes, sir."

I turn Ready to take my leave and head to my office. Mikasa Should be arriving soon. I need to get there before she does I don't need her snooping around my office or questioned by Petra, a small ginger haired girl who I had a one-night stand with a year ago but never seemed to get the clue I didn't want anything to do with her afterward. Ever since that night, she has always hung around annoyingly close to my office. 

"Oh and Levi." commander Erwin calls to me."

"Yes?" I stop my hand lingering over the door knob before me. 

"I know I shouldn't have to say this, but I want to make this clear. When I say distract Ackerman, I assume you know that I only mean you should keep the girl busy with training. You are not to get involved with her in a relationship more than friends at the most nor are you to sleep with her. If that were to happen, I shouldn't have to tell you the punishment for such a crime. Not only would the age difference be bad enough but she is a new recruit. Higher ups will not look at that situation lightly. "

Shit, I curse myself. One rule and I already broke it. Well no going back now. 

"Do u understand Captain Levi?" Erwin press for my answer, annoyance is evident in his voice. 

"Yes." I try my hardest to keep my voice calm even though I want to snap at my superior. " I got it, sir. And Your right you shouldn't have to say it. Now if you don't mind, I have to go." 

I don't wait for his permission; I walk out the door all the while cursing myself on the inside. I had let my anger get the best of me and reacted on impulse last night. It's frustrating that whenever I am around that damn girl, I lose my sanity and the ability to make rational decisions. First in the woods, then the stables and again last night in her room. I had found myself saying and doing things I know I shouldn't have. I had promised to protect her and to protect that little dip shit Eren above and beyond my abilities if she became mine but what was I thinking? I couldn't have her; she could never be mine. I knew that now and I knew it then but what was I Supposed to say to explain my actions that night in the stables or my actions in general. I couldn't tell her that I had just come from sparring and seeing her small and crumpled on the ground, her body twitching from nightmares had affected me in a way that nothing ever had. It had tormented me that I couldn't save her from the unseen foe that attacked her. What was even worse is I couldn't understand why it affected me so much. I'm baffled even now by the fact that every lie I have told her has left me tormented and with a bad taste in my mouth, it was nothing me to me to lie to someone especially woman, but she somehow was different. The way She had fallen for every one of my words so quickly made me hate myself. 

The reports I had read about Mikasa, had informed me that she had witnessed the murder of her parents at the age of nine. Eren Yeager had saved her, killing two of the intruder before getting caught off guard by another kidnapper, Leaving the responsibility to Mikasa to kill the man or watch Eren be killed. After that incident, Erens parent's grisha and Carla adopted the girl taking her in as their own but not shortly after the girl lost another family. The only people she cared about were Eren and their close friend Armin Arlert, a small blonde hair boy with no impressive skill in fighting but had the mind of a genius. They were all but inseparable those three, which is why I was so surprised when Eren brought up the idea for someone to distract Mikasa while he worked with Hanji. I could only imagine how it would hurt if she knew Eren had planned this. That while all she wanted to do was keep him safe, all he wanted was for her to leave him alone.

I stop and lean against a window half way down the hall from the commander's office; the sky outside is lighting up now blue hues mixed with gray clouds, and red tints illuminate the tree tops.

Fuck, I need to pull myself together. I need my focus, she is just a girl, damn it, just like the many before her. Get ahold of yourself. In time she will leave and fade away or be killed in action. I can't let my guard down. I'll do my job, and that's it I won't get attached I never have before, screwing her on the down low will just be a bonus ad when the assignment is over ill end it with her because she can't be mine.

That's easier said than done though because as I am repeating these things to myself my eyes happen to land on two people emerging from a pathway partially covered by trees.my fist clenches when I see the two individuals are Eren and Mikasa walking in the direction of my office. Mikasa's pink lips are turned up into a smile at something Eren has said. For some reason, the sight of this makes me angry, and before I can compose myself or think better of it, I find myself briskly walking down the hall ad out the side door to meet them.

"Yeager! Ackerman!" I shout from behind them causing them to stop in their tracks. 

Mikasa is the first to turn around. Granting me a breathtaking the view of her delicate face surrounded but windblown strands of Onyx hair in the early morning glow. Instantly I feel the small tug of a smile forming, but I stop myself from letting it spread across my face. 

Don't be ridiculous; Levi, pull yourself together I berate myself. What are you a school girl? 

"Sir!" Eren stands tall; hand raised to his chest to salute me. 

I turn my attention to Mikasa expectantly, she rolls her eyes and joins Yeager in a salute. 

"Sir," 

There is no respect in the way she says, sir. Just blatant annoyance and anger masked by a very horrible attempt to cover her true feelings up with a calm voice. Tch, She's still mad at me. Good, it serves her right that's what she gets for being so difficult.

"We just in our way to your office, sir," Eren says his fist still raised to his chest.

"Both of you?" I ask, my eyebrow raised I look at the two before me in question.". If I remember correctly, I only asked for Mikasa to come to my office."

"Yes, you are right sir, I was only walking Mikasa to your office on my way to see hanji."

"What Ackerman can't walk alone without her boyfriend?" I sneer at the younger cadet before me. 

"I'm not her boyfriend, sir. "Eren says defensively." I am only walking her because she said she was nervous about working with your today." 

"Eren! " Mikasa scolds shooting him a look of betrayal. 

I turn my attention to Mikasa amused.

"Is that so, Ackerman?"

The poor girl's face flushes red, and I can't help but fight the urge to pull her in to kiss her. She looks so frustrated trying to find the words to say while nervously biting her lower lip in a way that makes me want to groan. If Eren wasn't here, I would drag her to my office and have her bent over my desk. 

"Yes, sir just a little."

I can tell from her tone this is a lie. She's not nervous she is still mad at me I can feel it in the way she is looking at me. She probably made up the excuse of her being nervous to change the subject in a conversation with Eren earlier or to get him to walk her to my office, which I am not going to lie, pisses me off. 

"You'll be fine, Ackerman. Stop being such a wuss." Her gray eyes flash at that, and I can see her visibly trying to keep from scowling at me. "Yeager your excuse," I snap "I'll take Ackerman from her. You better get going."

"Yes, sir!" As the boy turns to leave, he shoots me a smile and a wink. That goes unnoticed by Mikasa who is too busy glaring at me. 

God, I hate that boy! I think to myself. He is such a Smug little asshole. 

"Quit glaring at me and Let's go, Ackerman."

"I'm not glaring."

"you are and its pissing me off. So quit it."

"yes, sir," Mikasa says sarcastically.

I smirk. How cute. If Mikasa is this energetic to be sarcastic and angry. I guess, I'll just have to work her extra hard today.


End file.
